Sarah B and Family

My Mess

2012-01-25T11:27:00.000-08:00

I am pretty sure I have ended several texts and emails with..."so sorry, I've been a hot mess lately"...no joke. E starts football this week so I emailed my co-soccer coach that I would be a little late to practice because I had to go to the parent meeting tonight. We scheduled a drop off with A and what time I would be where...all good. I go over my emails and realize practice is tomorrow night, not tonight. So I email co-coach and my husband and say "wow, look at the hot mess, I got it wrong again"..and Husband emails me, "what are you talking about, this morning you told me practice was tomorrow...you have always said it was tomorrow." Wait, what. See...hot mess am I! I am lucky I have not lost my head or my youngest child who goes everywhere with me. I wouldn't be surprised if I got a call from my local grocer that said "Mam, you left your son here, can you come get him"...because they would know he is mine. We go that frequently...because once again, I am constantly forgetting items on my list and I am at the local grocery store on a daily basis.
This afternoon I fed my youngest son on the dining room floor...I figured it was easier. He has this thing, this annoying thing. If he sees food he will spit out what he has in his mouth. So you have to give him one bite at a time, wait until he swallows it and than another bite. If he feeds himself he will chew it up, look down and see more food, spit out his bite for another bite...sort of strange. And MESSY! I feel like my brain is a mess, my house is a mess, and my brain is a mess...wait, did I already say that? I'm looking into getting help...like as in "I can help you organize your home and maybe life" kind of help. I really hope it helps.

And I love his shirt.....reality TV star in training. I just hope it isn't something crazy though like "Hoarders" or "Teen Mom"...eek!

let me tell you a secret

2012-01-21T07:07:00.000-08:00

Guilt.
Ugh, we all feel it. Some of us more than others. Some of us have a long list of things that we feel guilty about. I am one of those people. I am working on the whole "if God, who is much bigger than me can forgive me than I need to forgive myself."
There is something on my "guilt" list that I don't talk about much...ok, ever.
I read this on a friend's Facebook status.
"......US DISCIPLINARY BKS FORT LEAVENWORTH, KS 66027 You are released from active duty and, on the date following, placed on the retired list. The people of .the United· express their thanks and gratitude for your faithful service. Your contributions to the defense of the United States of America are greatly appreciated. On date placed on the retired l.ist, you are transferred to the U. S. Army Reserve Control Group (Retired), U. S. Army Human Resources Command, Fort Knox, KY."
I read that and cried....I was happy for him and his retirement coming up, I was sad for him because this has been his life and there will be big change. I cried because I felt guilty. I served my 3 years and it was good...and than I felt that I was needed for other things, like being a wife and mom. I don't think I would have been a good wife or mom if I stayed in the Army. However I got out in 1998 and I still felt that I was part of the Army since I was married into it...I gave to my country by supporting my husband while he was busy serving. Families sacrifice so much when their spouses are in the military. I was only a small part of the military for 6 years. After Sep 11th I started to feel guilty....I am an able body who should be serving. I was going through a divorce so not only did I feel guilty about not being in the military at a time of need but I was being pulled out of the military community...and I MISSED it. Who knew I would miss it so much. It has been over 10 years and there have been moments when I wish I would have stayed in. I hear of people who have died and I feel like it is just something else I "gave up" on. I don't like to fail but something deep inside me says I failed when I left the Army. I didn't though...I know I served my time. It is that deep dark and evil thing called guilt. It came up again when I read about his retirement. I just PRAYED, that is all I can do.

2012-01-18T06:00:00.000-08:00

It is soo addicting but I am proud of myself for actually using some recipes I have found Here are some of the recent recipes that I have been trying......

If you look at my boards you will notice a trend in my "Recipes"....chocolate or to be specific...Smore's. Love them!
Are you a Pinterest fan....do you actually create any of your pins? I am hoping to move on to "For my Home" or "Crafts to make".

Weekend in pictures....

2012-01-17T12:31:00.001-08:00

I finally got BlogPress on my phone. I am hoping that will motivate me to write more. I wanted to start this blog just to keep track of what was going on in my life, or even just write what was going on in my head. And then I felt a bunch of pressure (from myself) to be a good writer, an interesting writer even in a boring moment. So now I am moving past that (hopefully) and I will be sharing pictures and stories and hopefully getting back on track with this blog.
Here are a few pictures of the weekend!

Sarah B
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Another Year Down!

2012-01-02T07:27:00.001-08:00

Wow....it is sooo true. The older you get the quicker time goes.
I feel like we just started 2010 and here we are already 2012.
I don't do resolutions because I hate waiting until Jan 1st to "fix" myself and I know most people "fail" at resolutions so after entering the blogosphere I found people who just made lists....goals, project lists, to do's, bucket list for the year. Whatever you want to call it....and I love it.
So there are 12 months in a year so I thought 12 goals would be a good place to start.
1. Finish the Old Testament and Read the New Testament.
2. Read 12 books this year.
3. Watch 12 "Classic" movies...or popular movies I haven't seen yet.
4. Learn to Surf. (Hello...I live in Surf City, I need to do this.)
5. Learn to Sew. (start by getting the sewing machine out of the garage)
6. Go out of state at least once this year.
7. Complete my children's baby albums this year.
8. Entertain/host a party at our house once a month.(I have Jan and Feb planned).
9. Try at least 12 Pinterest pins I have pinned...recipes or crafts.
10. Date night once a month...with husband and one with kids.
11. Aver. 40 miles a month and keep track of my mileage. (Thanks to help from Nike+)
12. Dress sexy for my husband at least twice a month. (I ran out of ideas and asked him...after a lot of thought this is what he came up with...yikes.) I informed him that me dressing sexy requires sexy clothes therefore I have to go shopping...lol.

However after all that, I would have to say I have learned that the overall goal for the year should be to look for God's will and just do it.

My "Job"

2011-11-07T11:26:00.000-08:00

For the past two months I have been down to between 8-12 hrs of work a week.
Sounds great....but it is not me. I don't know how to be a stay at home Mom well.
The house is still a mess and I don't have great dinners waiting on the table when the husband gets home. Luckily I don't think he expects all those things though.
I have had to replace my job with another job...and it is called Soccer.
I am my daughter's coach and my son's assistant coach and a referee for our AYSO region. I also got to participate on the All Star committee and am the assistant coach for the Silver AS team for U10 girls. It is about a 10 hour commitment a week BUT I LOVE it! I love being a Soccer Mom and I love being involved.
The kids are great kids. You hear of bullying and popularity contests but usually in soccer I get to see them working together, I get to see them showing their skills.

Today I am feeling blessed that I have these opportunities, I am thankful that my children are able to do this. I realize I am a lucky Mom.

What I've Been Up To.

2011-11-04T19:27:00.001-07:00

This was my week....as you might notice, he takes up a lot of my time.
This one is more of a trouble maker than the other two....he must be more like Dad

.

Website....or Blog

2011-10-13T16:08:00.001-07:00

Funny thing....my husband does NOT want to be a blogger.
He and his brother wanted to start up a website. A website where they sort of write (everyday, mind you) about techy stuff. I am sure there is a more appropriate word...but I am NOT a techy so it is just "stuff" in my book. They want to give people ideas, and tips. And I said "Like a blog?". "No, it's a website." "Ok, a website, tell me more." "My niche is...a Christian techy I guess." "You're Niche??? Were you at Blog Sugar, you totally sat in on Sarah's talk. I have been blogging for a few years and can't find a niche and you already have one!!! You are so a blogger."
"No, I am just starting a website." Finally I convinced him to say "Ok, fine, I guess it is a blog too." He is paying $40 a year to start his blog....mine is free. But I guess if you already have a niche before you even start your blog.....it is totally ok to pay the $40.

This post is all about the boys.....

2011-10-12T10:07:00.001-07:00

Today is a day, you know, "those" days.
Ethan had a slow morning, a little groggy...didn't know what he wanted for breakfast, rushed shower. Last night was his soccer pizza party and I think he had a little too much party. There were some tears over breakfast and over brushing his teeth and who knows why else. So we drive to school and as I pull up I look back and he is crying. So Ash says her good byes and we decide to park until we can get the tears out. Than he tells me "I don't want to go to school today, I really just don't feel like going today." Me: "Ummm....it's not really an option, you just go." He didn't know why he didn't want to go, he said he had a bad morning, he said he was tired, he said he was just feeling sad, he said he was upset over the C on his Math test, he just DID NOT want to go to school today. 15 minutes later we are still talking it out and he is still crying. I had no idea what to do...so we just sat there. I asked him if it was about his friends, "no", was someone picking on him or being mean, "no", I even asked if he had a girlfriend and they broke up, and that was a "NO". So I told him that I guess he could go to work with me and than home HOWEVER he would have no TV and no iPad and no computer for a week. If he is truly upset over his grades he needs to spend extra time on his work. So I told him he had to spend all extra time at the dining room table for the next week. I really thought this would change his mind but he said "ok, deal."
My husband said I needed to send him to school, he needs to know he can't just "not do something because he doesn't want to"....and I totally agree. I don't know if I did the right thing but it is done and we are moving on. I hate that I can't get inside his brain to see what is wrong but I do know that I get sad, I know that I get upset at myself for things I think I have failed. I get all that, so I guess it is ok for my 11 yr old son to feel that way too.
And tomorrow is a new day.

Because I need a smile after this morning....I have been admiring this picture. This boy LOVES his food....and I love him.

31 Days...I can't keep up.

2011-10-08T07:28:00.001-07:00

Ha...I knew I should have never made the commitment of "31 days of...". I always think that if I make a commitment to something I don't already do that it will make me do it. And I wanted to become more of a blogger. Well, I have proved that life got in my way again. Funny thing is that when I was at my blogging high I was my busiest. Working 32 hrs a week, taking 12 units in college, classroom Mom for Ash, volunteering for Ethan's class, and attending Bible Study. Full schedule but yet I had the time to blog. Now I work 10 hrs a week...and take care of this 15 month old who requires a lot of my energy.
So where were we...Day 6 maybe?

CHOC (Children's Hospital of Orange County)
We have only had to make brief visits there but when I heard about Carson's heart condition and that he might have to have surgery I researched. Little kids in hospitals is just one of the saddest images to me. For Carson's 1st birthday party we asked for donations instead of gifts. We raised enough to buy a wagon for the children. If they have to be in a not so fun hospital they at least need some fun transportation. So a wagon it was. Another great way to donate...which I LOVE this. One of the speakers at Blog Sugar, Heather, started a "Joyful Life Library Project". You can go to their page and actually find books to donate. She realized that just reading a book to her child was both comforting to her and her family. I just think this is a great idea. Donate a book or two. Looks like we have an idea for Christmas gifts now.

http://www.joyfullifelibrary.com/p/about.html

Love 146

2011-10-05T21:20:00.000-07:00

This is a hard one.
When I first saw this video I got a horrible lump in my throat, my heart started to hurt, and it got hard to breathe. This can't be happening now, in this time.
But it is.
Just watch the video.

Love146 Overview from LOVE146 on Vimeo.

I will be honest, I still don't know what to do with this one.
I haven't talked to my kids about this yet.
I don't shelter my children, they know there is bad in the world. I try not to sugar coat things but I also don't know how to explain this one to them.
I just know that I have been called to help speak up for those that can't.

Thankful for my Friends Party

2011-10-05T03:45:00.000-07:00

When I first started thinking of the 31 Days of Giving I thought I would highlight great organizations or ways to donate time or money to those that are less fortunate. However when I really started thinking of ways to "give back" I thought of just saying thank you. Seriously, it can be that simple.
In November we decided we are going to have a dinner party for our friends, a "We are thankful for our friends" dinner to just let them know how important they are to us. Sometimes I sit back and think how crazy it is that I am surrounded by such loving people....such a great community. Like listen to this....we went 13 months with a baby and did NOT have to buy diapers. Seriously! Hello, can you say love....when you are supplied enough diapers for a year...really. I will also admit that I consider my spiritual gift to be hospitality....I like to get people together and feed them. I like to have my house full of noise and laughter and people on the floor because there is no more room on chairs and couches. What a better way to tell your friends and family "thank you"....host a shower, host a party, have a movie night.
I'm already trying to think of creative ways to have "thank you's" at the table and maybe a "thank you" tree or something.

And I guess I must add....I am getting my Christmas gift this month so we can have it before our "Thankful for our friends" party. B is making me this fabulous table! (I LOVE Pinterest) It will inspire me for some wonderful decorations too!

Relay for Life

2011-10-04T05:35:00.000-07:00

For 5 years now our family has been involved in the American Cancer Society Relay for Life. This is something everyone can participate in and most everyone has been touched by it. Cancer...a seriously ugly word. My Dad started a team through our church many years ago and another lady and myself have taken over as the Captains. Every year we try to raise some $$ for ACS and than over a weekend we get our team together and take turns walking for 24 hours. The relay starts with the Survivors Lap....a very inspirational moment when you get all the survivors together in the purple shirts and they walk a lap (at a track or in our case, a field) and that begins 24 hours of always having someone on the track. The point is that Cancer never stops for breaks, you can't put it on hold. Someone with Cancer is dealing with it 24/7. Once it gets dark out we have a Remembrance lap...where we think about all the people we know who have been touched by Cancer. The survivors and the ones who are no longer with us.
Relay for Life is a way to raise $$ for a good cause however I think of it more as a way to raise awareness. My children are involved and do some walking and we bring our tents and stay overnight. They know, "wear your sunscreen, go to the Dr's for check ups, don't smoke, exercise"....because they hear it every year at the Relay. This event also brings people together who usually have the same story yet so different....they have somehow been affected by Cancer. And they just want someone to hear their story. We have lost an Aunt, Grandpa, and young friend....but we have not had to been care takers for these people. There are many people who have been care takers and they want to share their story also. While walking in the 24 hours it is impossible not to meet new people, not to hear new stories, and not to share with someone else. It is a great opportunity to listen, to pray for, and to tell someone thank you. That is why I do it. Raising $$ for a good cause is good....but hearing someone share their story and truly listening and maybe even crying with them...that is really good. Look up a Relay for Life in your area....I am sure they probably have one close by.

p.s. Last year my daughter donated her hair....yep, they have people come out and cut our hair if you are willing. It was a company similar to Locks of Love (just another way you can give).

Operation Homefront

2011-10-03T05:01:00.000-07:00

Giving your time is very precious, it is something you can never get back. When I think of people who are giving of their time a soldier is definitely at the top of the list. I was in the Army,luckily at a time where I got to stay in the states. I was also married to a soldier, one who was gone A LOT. It is difficult. As much as I miss the military life I do not miss all of the "perks". They don't get paid a lot for what they do and what they give. When you sign your name you are signing your life away, in my words of course. You are telling the United States of America that your main purpose it to do what you need to do to keep America free, you will do what you need to do to make sure others don't have to do it without wanting too. The soldiers who sign their lives away mean my husband doesn't have to, your son doesn't have to, and you don't have to.
Operation Homefront
http://www.operationhomefront.net/
It is a Non Profit who just wants to make sure that soldiers and their families are taken care of. That their needs are being met while they are busy serving our country. When it comes to the military I have a love/hate. I am so gracious to those that have come before me and will come after me and have dedicated their time and lives to a good cause. It makes me sad that families have been split, that we have lost lives....and sometimes the only way we can say thank you is to give back. Give back monetarily, give back with gifts, or give our time. Think about giving back or just thank a soldier the next time you see one.

31 Days of Giving....Deaf Ministries International

2011-10-01T05:01:00.000-07:00

Giving or to give. To present voluntarily and without expecting compensation.
To give someone a gift, your money, your time, your talent. To give back.
There are soooo many ways to give. I am hoping that I will be able to include my children in this 31 Days of Giving journey. To remind us everyday that giving is important to God.

Today I would like to introduce a cause that is very close to my heart.
Deaf Ministries International

In 2009 my husband and I were given the chance to go to Africa with Deaf Ministries. Our church is one of their big supporters financially and a group of 9 of us went to visit a couple schools. I knew the ASL alphabet and a few words and that is all. At the end of the two weeks I did not know much more but I had a feeling of truly knowing the people we got to meet. We met children who had a stronger faith then I could ever imagine. In a lot of countries the deaf are kicked to the curb, they are of no use so they are forgotten. Deaf Ministries finds these people and helps them with their confidence and let's them know that God does not kick them to the curb. God sent his Son for them specifically, that he loves them as they are and they are perfect in his eyes. Here are a few pictures of our trip.

How can you give to them? Other than pray, pray, pray. You can sponsor a child. My family was blessed to sponsor a little girl named Melvin. Never in a million years did I ever think I would get to meet a little girl I sponsor half way around the world from us. Little Melvin goes to the Emmanuel School for the Deaf in Oyugis, Kenya. She shares a little bed with an older girl, she gets 2 meals a day, she gets an education, and most importantly she gets to learn the Word of God. Go to the website, find a child to sponsor. They just need a little hope. Here is my husband and I with Melvin.

instafriday and popularity contests.

2011-09-30T07:00:00.000-07:00

I just got instagram on my phone...I don't quite understand what to do with it yet.
So here are my TWO pictures of the week....see, still figuring it out.

And Ethan is running for student council....yuck. Love it, hate it! Here is one of his awesome posters...I LOVE that he wants to get involved in school but I hate that they have to vote and he just may not make it. Either way...I'm proud!

Quick trip to the park.

2011-09-29T09:18:00.001-07:00

For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139: 13-14

31 Days....

2011-09-28T10:17:00.000-07:00

Last night at Bible Study our teacher asked us if God ever spoke to us. We are studying Jonah and God spoke to Jonah...he may not speak to us in the same way but he definitely speaks to us.
This past Sunday I was at a conference that was very motivating, "Use my words for good, use my words for God." Last night we started our study on Jonah and we were challenged to "Navigate our Life Interrupted". To look at what God is doing in your life, what is he asking you to do to step out of your life and into His direction. The quote "God often sends us into hopeless places because it is in the hopeless place that we can see the hope in God."
This morning as I was reading some new found blogs I came across "The Nester". She is doing a 31 Days of...link up. First thing that came to my head was Giving. So I will be doing a 31 Days of Awareness and Giving. My older children are 9 and 11 and they are really at that point that they need to learn what loving people really means...it usually means giving to them. Giving them your ears to listen, your $$ to donate, your time to help them, or just your prayers. And this will give me a chance to go out and seek ways to give, seek ways to raise awareness.
I will start by praying that I can actually complete 31 days of this.....here we go.

Blog Sugar 2011....

2011-09-27T10:17:00.000-07:00

LOVED it. And sadly this is the only picture I have.
I have been blogging since 2008 but wouldn't call myself a blogger because I never felt like I knew what I was doing. I want to tell my story, which story do I want to tell, I like running, but I am a full time Mommy, sometimes I am funny, but funny doesn't happen enough....so I just sort of lingered around but left it hanging.
I have followed several blogs that led me to Blog Sugar.
I pulled up into the parking lot and immediately text my husband
"Arrived safely (had a flat tire earlier in the day)and am super nervous. Like first day of school don't know anyone nervous." And I got a "ah cute, I like you right now." Really, that is it?
But seriously, now that I look back it...God was saying "Go, Go, Go!"
It was so inspiring.
I was reassured that not everyone in the room knew 100% what there blog was going to look like when they first started. I was given advice on being myself, what? I really liked that....just be myself. And I was challenged...seriously challenged.
Julie and Jeanette...wowzers. If I have one reader, just one....I need to think about my words. What I am saying, am I glorifying God or am I complaining about something I won't remember in 10 minutes? Am I using my word's for good or just to try to hard to be something I am not. It just really hit me that when you over think it you end up not being you and not doing good with your words.
Everyone is different, every blog will be different. I have accepted I am not a writer, not fluid at all. I am not a great photographer or a crafter. But I am a lover of God and all things he wants and I love me some people.
A great quote I happened to see yesterday hit it home for me....

"The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community, even if their intentions are ever-so-honest. But the person who loves those around them will create community." --Bonhoeffer.

Love the people more than the idea...love the readers more than you love the blog.

And now time to figure this whole thing out.....and what it means to me.

Do I look like I have it all together?

2011-09-25T07:53:00.000-07:00

Hahahaha....this morning is one of those ironic mornings.
I got up early to work out (only to realize on the calender today is a "rest" day).
So I have plenty of time to get ready, surf the internet, put together some kind of weekly cleaning checklist I want to try and accomplish, put together my outfit for Blog Sugar (which I still haven't decided what to wear yet).
We have church, volunteer time, come home and change and off to Blog Sugar. I have a plan and feel good about it.
However the problem enters, (good thing I checked before we actually had to leave)....our one car has a flat tire. Like, can't get out of the driveway flat tire. So instead of making it to church at 8:30 I am changing all of our clothes...we need bike riding appropriate dress now. And I will be on the hunt for a car I can borrow...and who cares about what I will be wearing today. Funny how I was worried about what I would wear today when I am meeting lots of people for the first time. Now I am just worried about finding a car to get there....and I will wear what I wear. And I am not look like I have it all together but I sort of do, in my own way.
Not in the "oh, I have it all together" way but in the "wow, perspectives can change quickly and my look on having it all together has completely changed" way.
Now off to just find clothes that are warm and comfy enough to ride a bike to church.

Just another soccer Saturday.

2011-09-24T15:19:00.000-07:00

Today was another full soccer day....and we had two great games. Two wins, both my kids played great, in fact all the kids played great. And that is a good feeling...the win isn't what is important. The smallest shyest girl scores a goal, the boy who is not as confident as the other players just dribbles it up to the goal box and takes a shot. Those are great things. The other coach came up to my daughter after the game and said "Excellent game #6...you are fast and I love how you put so much pressure on my daughter. You made her work, you were aggressive, and you guys were playing real soccer." And that was great.
And know the funny thing ......the thing that made me feel good. As we were leaving the parking lot he came by and said "Oh yeah, tell your team thanks. I didn't have anyone stay for take down and your team did it all. What a great group of people."
That was it, that got my heart smiling. That is one of the reasons I love soccer. Community, we are a team. The kids, the parents, I love it.

Adele

2011-09-21T10:39:00.000-07:00

I love music....I am a HORRIBLE singer but I think it really helps me appreciate a wonderful singer.

Last night as we were on the way home from soccer practice Adele came on the radio...Someone Like You. Now I love that song but thought it might be a little too boring or grown up for my kids. Ashley (9) perked up and said "turn this up, I think I love it." In fact, she knew some of the words so I pumped up the volume and we sang...oh yes, we SANG. Poor Ethan (11) just shook his head at us and reminded me that I do NOT have a good voice.
When we got home Ashley asked if we could look up the lyrics so I printed them out and we pulled Adele up on Youtube and we watched this.

And we watched it over and over and over.
And Ashley said to me, "I think I am going to cry just watching her sing, it is beautiful." And I got so excited....because I cry at beautiful music. And I already pictured taking her to Les Mis for her 13th birthday and bringing a kleenex box with us.
After dinner she went to her room and busted the lyrics out and sang the song over and over and over again....and it was beautiful.

Another Run.....

2011-09-20T15:42:00.000-07:00

So I have committed to running another Marathon.
I really, really, really want to break 4 hours. I would one day like to qualify for Boston but I will start my goals off a little smaller and realistic. So it is 4 hours.
I have been up and down and in and out about getting back in shape after Carson but I knew it was time to get serious. My husband and I have started doing a workout called Insanity...and yes, it is insane but good golly, I feel good. I feel like I have some muscle now...puny muscle but I will take little over none. And we have been running at least 4 days a week. Oct 3rd is when I start the actual training. One of my BFF's, the one who qualified for Boston on her first Marathon (disgusting, I agree). She has given me a schedule to follow and will do the long runs with me. She said she will do the actual Marathon with me too....and at first I was like "ugh, she does not want to meet a different Sarah during the last 6 miles"....but than I remembered that as a BFF she will love me know matter what she sees or hears comes out of my mouth. :)
So these are some motivations for the next 5 months....

And yes, these are all from Pinterest....such an addiction!

Updates on Life.....

2011-09-19T10:07:00.001-07:00

My life is full of soccer these days.
Sometimes I complain about it but really....I LOVE it. I coach Ashley and the Shark Attack and am assistant coach to Ethan and HB United. I really do love it.
Although here is my complaint....this year I had NO ONE volunteer to Ref. So that means I also Ref. Not bad on some days but there are days where my 1st game is at 9 and my last game is at 3. And I only get 45 minutes between 2 and 3 to sneak in lunch.
I am already looking at family members to recruit for next year...of course my Dad (who doesn't know how to say no) has already agreed to it. :)
Carson is 15 months now and I am still working on getting his 12 month pictures taken...lol...hopefully they will be taken before 18 months. He has a new hobby.
Here you go ladies and gentleman....my son, the drummer!

And yes....guess who is getting a drum set for Christmas. I hope I don't regret it.

9/11

2011-09-12T09:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the 10 yr anniversary....obviously.
When the kids woke up I turned on cartoons...and kept them on all morning until we went to church. The older 2 know all about 9/11. They have known from a very young age that some people from another country crashed planes into the twin towers and a lot of people died and now their dad's along with other soldiers have been overseas helping find the people who did it. They know Osama is dead but there are a handful of people who still want to hurt Americans.
I did not want to watch any of the anniversary coverage, I didn't want to cry and cry.
On 9/11 I was living far from home in the midst of getting a divorce. It was just me and my 17 month old son. I watched the coverage on that day but I never cried. I remember receiving a call from my ex husband (we still lived in the same house at that time) saying "turn on the news"..."it looks like I will not be home until late today. Don't try to get on post, just stay home." So I did. I remember talking to my Mom but I really don't remember much. I know a lot of people cried that day but I didn't.
Yesterday at our church they decided to hold a beautiful service to remind us of 9/11....and the grace of Jesus Christ. There were stories from people and their experiences of 9/11. I didn't really have much of a story that day. And than it hit me and I just started crying...and crying..and of course, crying.
On 9/11/01 I was saddened by what I had seen, I was sad for the lives lost and the survivors that had to keep moving on with their lives. But I wasn't scared. I didn't feel as if my life had completely changed as most people would say.
However I have had a space in my heart for two men that have been serving for the last 10 yrs. Ashley was not alive on this date....however she was born 9 months later. 9/11 had shaped my life in a whole different way. Her father has been in a foreign country for over half her life. Ethan's father has been over there a couple different times in the last 10 years. The situation is funny. You aren't supposed to love or care for your Ex's....but I do. They are the father of my children and whenever I hear about anyone being killed my heart starts to beat a little faster, I lose my breath, I want names. Please, please God...do not let it be my babies daddy. And yesterday my heart just hurt....and I cried and cried. And I had to tell myself it was ok to cry...it was ok to worry and love people the world tells me not to love.
And than we came home and watched football and cartoons.

No Surgery!

2011-08-16T15:49:00.001-07:00

On June 24th we found out Carson had VSD, a hole in his heart.
On March 30th we were ready for surgery.
On Aug 15th we were told he does NOT need the surgery. So after 13 months they finally got a picture of the heart that shows the hole is a tad bit tinier than it was when he was 7 days old which means it is healing itself.
The Cardiologist said it is healing down and not exactly together therefore it will probably take a little longer than usual to close but it will hopefully close on it's own.
What a journey....we learned waiting, we learned patience, we learned love, and we learned He is in control.

A New Day

2011-08-15T07:42:00.001-07:00

Last night I had a pity party...I was in a slump.
My house is a mess, I am getting less and less hours at work which means smaller and smaller paychecks each payday. I can't keep the house clean or provide a decent paycheck and I started to feel sorry for myself. And when I do that I get mad at everyone else, why is that...lol. So I locked myself in my room so I would snap out of it.
I went to bed knowing that God would give me a new day today.
The Bible tells me in Lamentataions.

22 Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

So today is a new day and I will turn my attitude around.
And pictures always help.

The kids are gone.....again

2011-08-08T14:13:00.001-07:00

I have tried to get a family picture every month this year....this is our July picture.

Just minutes before we got this picture Carson was running around to try to get away from us, Brandon was yelling at the kids because they were being obnoxious, and I was yelling at Brandon for yelling at the kids....he was yelling "calm down" to them and I was yelling "calm down" to him....and we got this beautiful picture with all smiles...lol. So the kids are gone this week to Church Camp...and we get several "augh, I bet you miss the kids." And I say "yeah" but am thinking to myself "I love my children tremendously but no, I will not be missing my kids. They are having a wonderful time in the mountains with friends and I get a break from yelling calm down."

MY experience in Venezuela...

2011-08-06T13:14:00.000-07:00

I went to Venezuela knowing nothing about it other than they always have a good showing in the Miss World pageant and that a few great baseball players are from there. My guess was that they were predominately Catholic and they made good food.
We got to a small town area that was just outside of a rather large city, San Cristobal. This community was on a hill....it was like a 1 mile straight up hill with houses on the left and right. In these houses people would sell clothes, food, candy, ice cream, newspapers, and hold church buildings. Many of them made their income right out of their front door while the other half of the community would commute to the downtown area of San Cristobal. When we first got there they were having a small parade...when we asked what was going on they said that it was a parade for the Futbol games coming up, they liked to show their pride in the team they followed.
One thing that surprised me is when we asked if the area was mostly Catholic they said that is was actual a majority of Protestants....they said their competition was the Pentecostal's. Our host said "Those Pentecostal's were so charismatic and proud of their long skirts." First thing I thought was "Oh crud, I brought a long skirt to wear to Church just because I thought I was being respectful." Oh well...lol. Secondly, any Hispanic worship I have seen is pretty charismatic in general. We didn't see many church buildings other than large Catholic churches so I am guessing a lot of the churches were in homes as the one we were visiting was.
Another surprise...I didn't like the food. We ate empanada's in he airport, those were good stuff. So I was looking forward to the food. I'm not sure if it was because we were in a low income/slum area but the food was nothing to write home about. We are pretty sure that one night we had cat food sandwiched between cornmeal pancakes. We made it a game...if you finish this meal (and we had to so we did not disrespect them) you are the winners of a crazy game show! And they gave us mayonnaise to put on our spaghetti (we kindly declined saying we did not want to cover the taste of the great spaghetti sauce). I did have two favorites...fried plantains (more please) and they made a coconut ice milk Popsicle. Oh..I can't forget the black pudding. We were asked if we had ever tried black pudding..and we were like "chocolate?" and she said "no, more like a rice pudding." Hhhmm...sounds yummy. So the local person who makes it brought us some the night before we left as a special treat. This is what it was....

It probably wasn't that bad but we had to eat it after we had already forced down dinner and we were expecting something light, American pudding...but we got this instead. And than we found out what it is. It is a sausage cooked with blood and a pork filler and rice. Oh doesn't that sound yummy. Of course we forced two of those things down to be respectful of the women who had spent all day making it.

Just a few stories of Sarah and Venezuela.

Venezuela...a couple months later

2011-08-04T06:49:00.001-07:00

We went just to form relationships.
Just to see what our church was supporting.
Get to know the locals that attend the church.
First problem....I speak no Spanish, other than our host Mother...they don't speak English. It ended up not being too hard but we didn't connect as much as I would have liked. I do think it is cool that people with the same heart for God can get to know each other and connect and not always speak the same language. We got out a Spanish/English dictionary and there was a lot of laughing.
We stayed in San Cristobal. It is sooo green and lush. Beautiful and green...did I mention green. It rained for about 10 minutes every day so I can see why it is so green. Once again I was reminded what others live like. They showed us a really nice house....it would have been in the slums in our country. What was funny to me...the houses were dirty BUT boy oh boy...they had some sharp looking clothes. I was told by our host that Venezuelans rather look good than be able to eat. They were very proud of their beauty. Nice clothes, hair and nails done.
In the end I can say I have been to South America.

Family here, Family there!

2011-06-30T14:18:00.003-07:00

My babies are in three different states right now....CA, CO, and TN.

And I will be here tomorrow morning.

And I love that we are all spread out and enjoying what we are doing individually. So when we get together in a couple weeks we will have lots of stories to share!

Sugar, Sugar

2011-06-29T08:50:00.001-07:00

I forgot to talk about the yummy cupcakes we made for Ashley's birthday....I have wanted to make these cupcakes every day since. Just another reason to throw a party!

I got a ticket and I am going.
I don't know anyone else that is going but it will be fun.
New friends.
New stories.
I'm excited!

Birthday, Birthday...and VENEZUELA?

2011-06-27T20:48:00.000-07:00

Time is flying by...and I feel like I can't catch up. The bummer thing is I know that God has given me enough time to do what needs to be done and I need to just start getting my act together and be a better time manager (or not be so lazy...lol).
I have pictures and pictures of birthdays.

And I'm going to Venezuela...what a blessing! Our Global Outreach Minister's Assistant is going to check out and observe a mission we support. She needed someone to go with her and God opened the door....ok, and the original person going forgot to renew her passport and mine is up to date so I get to go in her place. I have never been to South America and am looking forward to learning about a new environment, a new culture....the same yet different. We worship the same God but I love seeing the different ways we worship. I leave in 3 days!

Almost Birthday Time....

2011-06-09T06:04:00.000-07:00

1 week from today my little baby turns 1!
How is this possible, pretty sure I just gave birth and then time flew by.
This weekend...only 3 days away...we are having a little Mickey Mouse birthday party for him.
He LOVES Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, he hears that theme music and will come running/walking like a zombie into the room as fast as he can. So we decided that will be his First Birthday Party theme. I am a little here, there, and everywhere with it but I am sure it will come together and we will have a fun.
Here are some of my inspirations for his party.

My Office

2011-06-08T10:51:00.001-07:00

Being real here.....this is my office this morning and it is driving me bonkers. I am the farthest thing from a neat freak but when I am in the mood to get something clean I get it done. This morning I am sitting here because my son would not sleep this morning at the office and I can work from home on today's project. Only problem is I am on a conference call and my cell phone only works in one spot...so I sit here. I have been on hold for 15 minutes while she tries to get someone else on the line to answer a question. I want to jump up and do the dishes and organize the washing area....but I can't. I just sit here and wait. You better believe the moment I get to hang up I will be putting on my gloves and doing those dishes!

Today

2011-06-02T16:28:00.000-07:00

I am a part time at home working Mother...whatever that means. Basically I have a nice little 15-20 hrs a week job and I am allowed to do some of it at home or bring Carson to work with me. I have stuff I need to do and I just have to get it done....no specific hours except for on Tuesdays. It is such a perfect situation...I really was hoping that I wouldn't have to pay someone (because we don't make enough money for child care at this point) or quit my job so we would have to change our lifestyle. So I asked for this. But there are days....like today. Carson used to take great naps, consistent naps....and he used to just crawl and roll around. At 11 months he now doesn't stay on any kind of schedule and he enjoys walking.
Today
Alarm goes off at 5:30. Hit snooze.
Goes off again, up at 5:40 to make coffee, check emails, balance checkbook.
6:00..bring coffee to husband and jump in the shower.
6:15..turn on TV and lights to wake the kids up and give Carson a bottle. Get me ready. Brandon showers with Carson so I don't have too.
6:30..motivate the kids to get dressed and eat breakfast and make their lunches.
We run around and get ready for the day while Carson watches Disney Channel.
7:35..leave to drop the kids off at school.
8:00...Get to work.
9:00...Leave work since Carson is not cooperating...up, down, chase him and repeat.
9:05...Go home and feed Carson some yogurt and play with him and listen to music hoping it will tire him out. Seems to be working.
10:00..back to work with a baby that is NOT asleep.
10:15..back into the car to drive the cranky guy asleep.
10:25...he's asleep so back to work!
11:45...he awakes and is not quiet so we leave for the day.
Go home and get a snack and change into workout clothes.
12:15...meet husband for a nice 4 mile jog. Finish run and catch up with husband.
1:30...back in car to go pick up middle child.
1:45...pick up child....run errands. Bank and grocery store.
2:45...back to the school to pick up the oldest child.
3:15...home for the day.
And now I am here....we did homework and I have now pushed baby onto oldest child so I can get on here and do this. Middle Child is riding her bike...yeah for summer almost here!
Tonight is "Chinese food night" so I will preheat the oven in about 15 minutes. We will eat and than kids are off to youth group! And more time with husband and baby.
So even thought I want to pull my hair out because I spent more time in the car than doing anything productive, I have it pretty good. And although I may have text my husband several times today saying "YOUR KID IS DRIVING ME CRAZY"...I am blessed to be able to spend so much time with him and all the flexibility I have in my day.
Is it bedtime yet?
(And this doesn't include soccer/football/basketball...those are done until fall, can I get an AMEN!)

Blog Sugar

2011-05-23T22:28:00.000-07:00

I know I have not been very committed to blogging but I have kept up with a few blogs...and I read today about Blog Sugar. A fun little gathering of bloggers (faith based) and they are getting together right in my own backyard (ok, like 10 miles away) but still that is close. And some of these blogs that I have read for years (yes, years)...I could actually see them and HEAR their voices....lol. Yeah, that is a big deal to me..lol. Just need to find someone to go with me. :)
Check it out.
http://www.blogsugar11.com/

Blessed

2011-05-20T10:40:00.000-07:00

blessed defined as fortunate, divinely favored
blessing defined as a gift bestowed by God

I feel all of the above. Sometimes something touches your heart and you want to do something, you know you need to do something. Whether it be big or small. I often get this feeling but it will pass as I get busy. Some things stay though...I get busy but it is still on my heart. And I feel so blessed that I have a community of friends who help me follow the dream of doing something. We had our BUNCO party and raised $300 for Anika's new family. It's not much, we are not saving the world, but it is a start. I can't save all the children out there but I can do my part in helping. And I am sooo blessed with people around me who understand that and have such giving hearts. This weekend is the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life. We have been a part of this for the last 5 yrs now. And I shot out an email saying we need some walkers and donators, and I got responses. People gave $25, people are giving an hour of their time. It is small...but it is SO BIG to me that I know I am amongst friends and family members who have great big hearts. I will say it again and again...my cup runneth over and over and over.

BUNCO for a cause

2011-05-12T07:04:00.000-07:00

I found this page
http://momentswithlove.blogspot.com/2011/04/so.html
through this page
http://www.joyshope.com/2011/04/where-are-you-investing.html
and thought it was a great idea to join in.

This little girl is absolutely beautiful and is waiting for her family.
I love that my friends and I can participate in her family finding her and adopting her....by playing BUNCO.
Next Wed some friends and I will be playing BUNCO and eating snacks and talking up a storm all in the hopes that we can put some money in her adoption fund and praying that her forever family will find her.
Join the cause.

Spring

2011-04-30T15:55:00.000-07:00

Surgery has been postponed (and maybe even cancelled...hopefully).
I now have an 11 yr old son...I don't think I am old enough for that?
It was Carson's 1st Easter....he woke up early and really didn't want to be bothered.
But it was a beautiful perfect day.

VSD

2011-03-31T10:30:00.000-07:00

On the outside you see a strong, healthy, active baby boy.
That is why it is hard for me to believe there could be anything wrong.
Carson has a VSD (Ventricular septal Defect) and they found it when he was only 7 days old. So we have gone 9 months with Dr's appts...cardiologist appointments, gastroenterologist appointments, medicines, working on gaining weight, and my favorite, stool samples. And from the outside I see no reason why, he is crawling like crazy and pulling himself up all over the place and climbing legs and jabbering away. However when you watch the ECHO you see a good size hole...7 mm...just big enough to need surgery. It has not gotten any smaller than when it first measured 9 months ago so we do the next step....surgery.
One of the great things of "social networking" is that everyone can share their stories on line. And I have been researching and reading about all the successful stories of VSD surgery on infants his age. So we just pray, give it to God, and wait.

Grammy Faves

2011-02-14T08:16:00.000-08:00

I didn't watch them all...in fact I was in bed watching them. So I was in and out all night...however I had two favorites.
Cee Lo...my kids and I love singing "Forget You" in the car...and we get loud. When I saw Cee Lo I could feel the loudness. And when Gwyneth came onstage...loved it, she looked hot! So #1 highlight...although I didn't get the whole puppet thing

Eminem...I don't know why but when he sings (or raps or screams, whatever you call what he does) I get jealous. I can feel the anger when he is singing and I wish that I could sing and get all my angers out in that form. I just want to bounce around and scream with him.

And one of my favorites...short and sweet. I love Dolly Parton and I love Jolene...so to hear those 3 fabulous singers sing Jolene, perfection.

And exciting news....next week we are going to The Conan Show...and we found out the lineup last night. Matthew Perry, The Situation, and Jason Aldean....I don't know who I am more excited to see?

I'm Back!

2011-02-12T08:14:00.001-08:00

Carson John

2010-06-26T19:56:00.000-07:00

So it has been over a week and things are slowing down so I thought I would introduce
Carson John born on Jun 17th (the day AFTER Ashley's birthday thank goodness) at 7:39 pm (which happened to be during halftime of the Final NBA Playoff game so we were able to watch the game and not miss a thing...lol) weighing in at 7 lbs 2 oz, 19 inches, and absolutely perfect! Of course I am going to say that.
The delivery did not go at all how I planned...but that is what I get for planning. At the end of the day Carson was there, I was no longer pregnant, and my whole family was there to share in it (a first since both of my other deliveries were out of state.) Here are a few pictures of our bundle of love and joy!

40 Weeks and 6 Days

2010-06-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

and still no baby. This little guy is stubborn just like his Dadddy...ok, and Mommy....and Sister...and Auntie....well, at least he takes after us.
It just stinks waking up every morning in a panic hoping he is still there...still breathing, still alive in my little ol belly (another ok moment...big ol belly). I am sleeping less and worrying more that he is fine in there...I have done more research this past week on induction and c-section. I don't have an opinion on the whole delivery thing....only an opinion on how I deliver. No c-section, no inducing, no pitocin, no epidural....and now I have to actually look at those as options if he doesn't come out on his own soon. Today is Ashley's 8th birthday...and we thought we would have a new born so we have a little family party tonight at our house....we put off the "friend party" because we weren't sure how Carson would be...well, now we know, not here. I clean our house every night just in case it is the night...I want to come home to a clean house. I seriously clean up and shave my legs every day just in case....gotta have pretty legs when I am delivering...lol. Last night I was greatful he got the hiccups because I could tell he was still there...he is so stuffed in there that I don't get a lot of movement from him anymore. Well...here's to hoping my next post will have a picture of a cute healthy baby boy in my arms!

40 Weeks and 1 Day....

2010-06-11T07:14:00.001-07:00

And still no Carson. We could say he is shy, stubborn, not fully cooked...either way he will get here when he gets here and in the mean time I will enjoy the World Cup!

38 weeks

2010-05-27T11:54:00.001-07:00

And ready to go....but Carson is happy just staying put. I wanted to put this picture up to remind ME what I looked like. I am already thinking about running and eating healthy to lose this baby weight...lol. And I need a reminder that I was actually big..and it took me 9 months to put this weight on so I am giving myself 9 months to take it off. Although I am already signing up for the Surf City Half Marathon (next Feb) so that gives me 9 months to lose the weight and get into good enough shape to PR at my half...lol.
That being said...I CANT WAIT TO MEET CARSON!

Just Lazy

2010-05-04T12:23:00.000-07:00

I would like to say I am just way to busy to be blogging but that would be a total lie. I have had a lot going on but I always have time to blog stalk and so that would mean I have time to actually post...and I have stuff to post about. Just got back from a trip to Boston....37 days until we will be a family of 5...although I think it will come quicker...I am saying less than 30 days. But what finally got me to log on here was my kids....I am soo proud. Yes, I shouldn't be sooo proud but I am. If you know me or have read this blog I am a runner. I have always been a runner and will hopefully always be one. I don't want to push my kids too much but let them decide what they like and support them in doing that. Ethan showed signs of maybe being a runner...he is a natural athlete and ran his a 5K a few months ago with an OUTSTANDING time but I don't know that he will stick with running...I sure hope so. He showed more interest than Ashley. We tried to get her to run awhile back and she complained of cramps and needed water after 200 feet and she is more dramatic about running. She was in dance and now she does do soccer and basketball but really she is an artist. She wants to make things and sing and be creative. And I don't do that...I don't understand it and I'm not good at being creative...usually it is too messy for me...lol. I signed both kids up for the OC Marathon. They have a couple months to complete 25.2 miles and than on the last day all the schools that participate get together to race the last mile. It is great because it gets kids outside running and playing and they try to teach tham about healthy eating and good decisions. Race day came and we were more pumping Ethan up than Ashley. Through out the practices she has jogged around with her friends smiling and being social....she told me it was better to support her buddies than to go off and run by herself. What a sweetheart....but I wanted a runner. So race day comes and Ethan's age group is up first....all of his friends are younger than him so he had to run alone. He did well...didn't break 7 minutes like he wanted but was very close and we were proud. Next was Ashley's race. We told her where we would be cheering her on so she knew where we would be and so I could get a picture. Cute thing starts in the middle of the pack and runs literally right next to us so I can get a picture...she knows her priorities..good picture. They do two laps aroudn an amphitheater so you can't see them the whole time. The lead group comes areound the cornere...there were about 9 or 10 little 7 yr olds. One girl who looked a little like Ashley and we were saying "She looks like Ashley but we aren't expecting her for another miute or so...she can't be in the front...but she is wearing a red shirt like her...hmmm." Sure enough they get closer and she is in the front pack...so of course I start screaming...top of my lungs screaming. And I don't just say "Go Ashley"...it has to be "Go Ashley..you can do it..go get those boys Ashley...go get those boys!" And as soon as she passed I started crying..soooo proud and shoked. She looked like a runner and had enough energy to smile for the camera...lol. So we go to the finish line and just wait...and I am telling myself it was a fluke, don't get your hopes up, she probably started walking once she got around the corner. She is not a very competitive person I thought. So all the sudden we see the lead runners and I am just holding my breath....my mind is saying "please be up there...please be running....no, don't get your hopes up and be happy she is out there doing this...no, but please be up in the front group still." And as we see the group we see a little pony tail flipping on a little girl with a red shirt...she is still there. And she was running...and she was running fast. I got some pictures of her as we cheered her on. Overall out of 184 7 yr olds she came in 7th....and out of the 97 girls she came in 1st! Never in my wildest dreams...and yes, that sounds very dramatic. It is a 7 yr olds mile race....hello, I have dreamt of something like this...and yes, I will be living off this dream for a bit. She seemed excited but not nearly as excited as me. I don't know if she will be a runner....she sure looked like one out there but I don't know if it is something she will stick with. She is my "free spirit" and I love it...and I know if you push a free spirit it can be ugly. So I will jsut enjoy this now and let her do what she wants....and keep these pictures in my mind..forever!

And Ashley's race....

Ten on Tuesday

2010-03-30T10:08:00.000-07:00

I don't really know what Ten on Tuesday means but I decided I needed to get back on here and I see a lot of blogs that say "Ten on Tuesday" so I stole it and I am just going to ramble...lol.

1. My Due Date. As you notice above it says "Only 72 days to go!" My Dr said due date is June 11th...I decided I only like even numbers and moved it up to June 10th. I keep moving it up even more and now when people ask I say "yeah...due around the end of May"....so my guess is because I am jinxing myself I won't deliver until mid June, dislike.

2. Boston. Brandon and I will be going to Boston in 2 weeks. We are going to watch one of my favorite people run the Boston Marathon...GO DEBBEE...we are going to celebrate Brandon's big 3-0 Birthday...we are going as a Babymoon. The last "alone" vacation for a very long time is my guess. I am looking forward to going to Boston, only praying the weather gets a little warmer by the time we get there.

3. Non stop flight to Boston...we thought it was great to get a nonstop flight. I had a hard time sitting thru a two hour movie in the theater this weekend....6 hrs on a plane will not be fun. Poor Brandon and strangers around me.

4. Lists! I have about 4 To Do lists going right now....one of them I have had since September. For some reason I feel like I need to get these lists done before baby comes. It's not going to happen but boy, they sure have my head spinning right now.

5. My first baby...my bestest friend in one of the hardest times of my life will be 10 in a few weeks. We are talking double digits here...that is a huge deal here. Two things about this....First, we will be in Boston...oops. Second...I know I am not old enough to have a 10 yr old..so how did this happen?

6. Tori & Dean....last night I was flipping through channels and ran across Tori & Dean. I watched the first season and maybe the second..I don't really remember. So I am not sure what season this is but last night I watched 3 hr long episodes...yes, that means I sat on the couch (not accomplishing anything on my to do lists) for 3 hrs watching Tori & Dean. I like them, I don't even know why but I really like them.

7. Brandon has been doing a "side job" to earn us some extra money...and I HATE it. He usually comes home from work for about 30 min's max to get dinner to go and than gets home around midnight and sleeps in and gets ready in about 15 minutes to go back to work. I was married to a soldier...I was a single Mom....but right now I am acting spoiled. I sit and pout and say "I never get to see you, I'm at home alone with the kids every night". It is easy to forget how good I do have it. I should spend those 30 minutes loving him not moping.

8. I have been watching The Baby Story in the morning before the rest of the house is awake. I don't think it is such a good idea to watch it anymore. I have had two babies...easy delivery. Don't get me wrong...PAINFUL...but quick and tolerable and easy. No complications, nothing like that. And now I watch these shows and see all the different things that CAN go wrong and I am actually pretty stinking nervous. Also, this will be the first delivery where my Mom and Sister will be there...in the room with me. Which I want very much....but since I have spent the last 10 yrs saying how "easy my deliveries are"...I don't want this to be the one where their are complications or I wimp out and act all crazy. Oh well...we will see.

9.Have you noticed how with each number I keep writing more and more....I think these are supposed to be brief, oops.

10. March. It was busy...baby showers (wow, I am so blessed). We pretty much have everything we need for baby...now we just organize it and wait. And April is full...and May, yeah, pretty busy too. So I think these next few months will go quickly. :)

Mustache Marathon....and only 119 days to go!

2010-02-11T11:18:00.000-08:00

This past weekend was one of my most favorite traditions that "my community" has started. When I say my community I mean my closest friends and family. Every Super Bowl Sunday our city, Huntington Beach, has the Surf City Marathon/Half Marathon/5K.
Last year I did the Marathon and this year, due to some added weight and the fact that I need to focus on growing this baby inside me rather than getting a good time, I did the Half Marathon. At first I thought it would be hard because I am a competitive person, I go for times, I give myself goals. I can't "just enjoy" but focus on accomplishing something. I have gained weight and I really feel pregnant so that wasn't really an option this time. I was worried I might get tempted to push myself too hard or upset that I had a slow time. BUT let me tell you...and I say this with no humility at all. It was one of my favorites. I finished 13.1 miles under 3 hrs which is still a pretty good pace for walking 75% of it. And I finished it with a little 1 lb baby inside of me. I was sooo proud of my body for holding up. Sounds funny but yes, I was proud of my body. Which was soooo needed because I have been struggling with the fact that I am much bigger than I was with my last pregnancy. So I finished the Half with my Dad...which was also awesome....I did it with my Dad. So this year we decided it would be a "Mustache Marathon" and the boys would grow out Mustache's. Our friend, Drew, ran his first (and maybe only) Marathon so it was a big deal. Everyone finished and everyone finished well with no injuries! And after the race we all go to a house for breakfast...the Titov's know how to host. We had soo much food. This year the highlight was blintz's...sooooo good. So here are some pictures.

The runners minus my Dad.

My Dad and I finishing...you can't really tell but at this point I was fighting the tears. Pregnancy hormones=crying three times during the race.

One end of the table at our post run breakfast.

Drew is known around these parts as Mustache Man and he really proved himself doing the Marathon. And Krista made this brownie cake in his honor....isn't it the cutest thing ever...and sooooo yummy.

So after all that Marathon talk I am also excited to say 119 days to go. We ordered our crib and I am now in spring cleaning mode. I am going through drawers and under beds and now I am going to be working on the kids rooms. We have to rearrange both to get Ethan's extra stuff into Ashley's room to make room for Carson. Can't wait to have a finished project to share pictures!

Half Way There....

2010-01-22T09:41:00.000-08:00

So yesterday I hit 20 weeks...some days it seems that the time is flying by however on the days that I have horrible heartburn or have three blody noses in one morning the time can't move quick enough. Right now baby is supposedly the size of a cantoloupe.

Last week he was 10 oz at our Dr's appt so I would like to reiterate....he is bigger than the average baby therefore I will be delivering two weeks earlier than my due date. (Do you like how I just say it with confidence, I am sure it will work).

Pregnancy Facts:
I am 20 weeks.
I have gained approx 14 lbs.
Bebe Band (cheap version of Bella Band) has been a lifesaver. I am wearing all of my own pants, simply unbuttoned and held up with super hero band. :)
Baby Bruce is a kicker between dinner and bedtime. I think he is just trying to keep me awake long enough to put the other kids to bed.
I have not really had any cravings but you might hear me say "I am craving this...". I am not really craving it but it sounds good at the moment and I want what I want and I want it now. I will say that I have been eating tangerines like nobodys businees....at least 4 a day. I have also bee ngetting heartburn, which is not a common thing for me. And with my other pregnancies it didn't come until much later in the pregnancy. I have crossed off Chipolte, Wendys Chili, and Sloppy Joes.
I have been getting up about once a night to use the restroom however the rest of the night I sleep like a baby.
We are now in the process of planning for Baby Bruce and what kind of gear we need and starting to register. I didn't do that with either of my other children so it is sort of fun.
I had been walking/jogging about 5 days a week until this week. The rain has kept me inside and I don't mind. However I am doing a Half Marathon in a couple weeks. This should be interesting...13 miles at 22 weeks pregnant. I have been repeating over and over and over in my head "Sarah, you are stubborn but not stupid, take it easy." So on run day I will just appreciate the fact that I can still do 13 miles and not hurt myself or Baby.
In other news....
our house has been LOVING this song since Thanksgiving. It has sort of become our family song. And with all the emotional hormones I saw/heard this version and just started weeping. And with all the tragedy in Haiti I started missing my friends in Kenya. We got a text from one of them on new Years and it was lovely to hear from him. I started thinking...what am I doing here? I want to be there, I want to be somewhere doing something better than what I am doing here. And than I heard this
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be. I laughed.
I'm where I am supposed to be right now...and even though I don't feel like I am doing anything I am raising my kids...I am growing a baby...I am loving.

Well...once again, it has been too long since I have posted and I can't rememebr how to attach the youtube link.

Todays Ramblings......

2010-01-14T08:16:00.001-08:00

First I am excited to announce we got to spend 45 min's yesterday watching our Baby Boy roll around in my tummy. He was rolled in this little ball and swinging his arms all over the place and it is just crazy to me that he is really in there. We saw his manparts so I am 100% confident we have a boy now. Time to start planning!

In other news I was trying to explain the situation in Haiti to my kids....we watch the news in the morning as we eat breakfast or get our shoes on and they were like "this is on the news again...did it happen again or is this the same earthquake?" So I had to explain that this was a huge catastophe and will be talked about for a long time. I read a blog post from someone who is actually over there right now and the kids were able to put some faces and names with the story on the news. I told them we just need to pray and pray for these people and pray and pray for the people going over to help. I told them there are several places people can donate and we can donate some money to help but other than that all we can do as a family is pray. My daughter says "So we need to help the people in Haiti...AND the people in Africa?" I said "yes...because even with what they have we have so much more. And now that they had a disaster what little they had is gone and they have NOTHING." So she says to me "But sometimes you tell me we don't have enough money. We can't afford to buy a house like other people do, and you say I can't get new shoes or go somewhere because we don't have enough money." "So how can we give them money when we don't have enough." OUCH! So once again (this happened in Africa) I am stuck explaining that even though we don't have a lot of money in the O.C. standards compared to the rest of the world we are loaded. And how do I explain that yes, there is enough food to go around the world but people are greedy as a whole. And we do have enough money and supplies to help each other out but we are scared to give, we are scared to sacrifice. I want my three bedroom condo for entertaining reasons, I want a newer realiable minivan, I want some cute clothes to feel good about myself, I want to be able to go out to eat when I want too. But what I wish my heart desired more than anything in the world is that I wish I wanted to give everything and live on faith...to live with no fear or desires and to just give and give until I really have nothing left to give. I have a friend who is looking for a place to live...looking for a roomate of any type. In so many ways it was brought up to another friend who has a room that is temporary available. His response was to say "No thanks, I have too many expensive things in my house." Basically "no, my stuff is more important than helping out a friend." And I pray that you never hear those words out of my mouth...I will never have anything that is worth more than a person...a friend or a stranger. While half of my heart is full of joy with everything going on in the world...all the love that people are showing as a nation, the compassion and caring towards the Haitians...but the other half of my heart is saddened for the people in Haiti...knowing that it may not be enough.

Happy New Years!

2010-01-01T08:24:00.000-08:00

I know I have been missing in the blog world but I had to wish everyone who might read this a Happy New Years. I overheard that this last century was the "Decade from Hell"...really, that is the title we gave it? When I think back over this decade I think....traveled through Europe, had two children, married the man of my dreams, got to experience Africa and the different cultures, new friends, reunited with old friends (thank you Facebook), and finally moved back home (thank you California Sun)...definitely not the decade from hell in my book. So I wish everyone a new decade of joy and love....and remind everyone to remember the blessings rather than the negatives.
Happy 2010!

Don't Get It

2009-12-12T19:29:00.000-08:00

So once again I am totally confused at why Mothers have to judge each other. I have a comment that just sort of bugs me....and I am guessing that it is from someone's Mother. Let me tell you, today was a rough day. We got out car towed (honest mistake) but a guy went out of his way to have us towed when there was really no reason to tow us but it was totally legal. Yeah, $250 later we got our car back. During that time I couldn't stop gagging/dry heaving. Beautiful thought, sorry. I made it 13 weeks of pregnancy with only getting sick a few times but have thrown up every day for the last week. So on any other day I probably would have laughed off the comment and said ....great thing about living in America, we can say what we want. But I am getting sick of the fact that we are all Mothers, we all do it differently, all of our children our different....yet we can't help but judge. Did you hear she lets her kids eat sugar, did you hear she didn't breast feed her baby, did you hear she spanks...all these different opinions. We don't ask questions or take the time to get to the family but are quick to comment about how we disapprove of the way a Mother does something. So from one Mother to another...appreciate the differences in the way we raise our kids....that breeds variety. Someday you will appreciate that my kids eat sugar because your kids will be the dentists who earn a living from my kids. Appreciate that my kids don't get all the gifts they "want" because they are learning it is more about giving than receiving and maybe someday when they see your homeless child on the street they will stop and provide a meal for them. And stop the darn judgment.

Christmas Shopping.

2009-12-11T14:55:00.000-08:00

I hate shopping.
There, said it.
I have had meltdowns, freak outs, even a break down and cry in the middle of the store thing. I either panic or yell when I am there too long...and when I mean too long that means more than 15 minutes.
Therefore I do not enjoy Christmas shopping. I did do the whole "Black Friday" thing two years ago and went to Target just to get their cheap movies....but I enjoy watching the craziness of others. If I don't "HAVE" to get something I am better off in a store because I can just laugh at everyone else.
Las night we realized we (Brandon and I) have not done any Christmas shopping...nothing, not one item. So we decided to do it today at lunch...and you know what. 2 hours later we were done, ok 99% done....and we even snuck in a lunch at the Mall Food Court...Charley's Steakery for me if you were curious.
We hit up two stores and were that was it. So thank you and a big shout out to

Granted we have an easy Christmas this year.
We are now doing only 3 gifts for each child. Jesus was given three gifts on his birthday so we are only giving 3 gifts. The kids agreed...knowing they will get more from Daddies and Grandparents too I am sure. So...no anxiety this year, no breakdowns, no broke bank accounts, I like this. :)

Best Christmas Gift Ever......

2009-12-07T14:20:00.001-08:00

More pictures adn story to come but I can't get my pictures uploaded.....this is from Brandon's phone. It was wonderful though.

Waiting....

2009-12-04T08:38:00.000-08:00

So we decided to throw a party and find out now. I do have some self control.
I kept that folded up yellow sticky for one whole week and did not even glance at it. But I want that surprise....and I want a big group gathered so we can all hear it together and laugh and smile and throw out different name ideas. But my self control could not take me to the next ultrasound....lol. I am 13 weeks and my next ultrasound isn't for another 6 weeks...augh.
So we gave the yellow sticky to someone the whole family trusts will keep a secret yet we also know she will appreciate the face that she is the only one who knows and be excited about it for us. Michelle...otherwise known as Mama K, went out and got us an outfit or blanket or something that will let us know what this sweet baby is and here is what we get to stare at until Sunday.

I just love its little bow and neutral color. I keep staring at it likes it is really a baby....lol.
Onto other news....we survived a very exciting week of Thanksgiving with lots of family and some surprising snow to end out our week (no, not in HB...we were in the mountains). But my new/used laptop doesn't have access to upload pictures yet...ggrr.
Happy Friday!

P.S. I loved Jennifer's idea of doing it over a holiday but we weren't all together for Thanksgiving and Ashley will be gone for Christmas....I think the only holiday we are all together is usually Easter and I am NOT waiting that long. :)

To look or not to look.

2009-11-25T13:06:00.000-08:00

Today we had another ultrasound and the outcome was great....a healthy heartbeat and the blood clot/hematome/worry spot was all gone. It has healed itself and I can get to working out again. Although now that I have done nothing for a very long time just walking will be a workout but I want to stay in shape during this pregnancy for two reasons....I've been told the actualy delivery goes easier for those in shape and two, maybe make it easier to lose the baby weight after delivery.
But the big excitement of the day is that the xray technician said she knows the sex of the baby....WHAT? I wasn't ready to hear that so early. We are 12 weeks and I was waiting for 18 or 20 weeks to find out. She said she is very confident of what it is but says that maybe we should wait until the next ultrasound to say for sure. So I said "well, how confident are you?" She said she is very confident about what it is but most people wait for 18 weeks to tell people...so why wait? So we told her not to tell us but to write it down for us. So I have this little yellow sticky paper in my purse...just sitting in there, unopened and unread. Brandon and I are not sure what to do so we want your opinion. Originally we had wanted to somehow make it a surprise so we (as in us, family, and close friends) all find out together. Like have a store clerk look at it and either wrap a boy or girl outfit or maybe a pink or blue blanket...but not let us see it. We have a party and open the gift so we all get the surprise and announcement at once. So do we wait for 18 weeks or do we just throw the party now and hope the xray tech was correct...she said she was confident. Or do Brandon and I just look at it and keep it a secret until next ultrasound (that is anhywhere from 4-6 weeks away, that is a long time to be quiet). Or do we not look at the paper at all, shred it, and wait the 4-6 weeks for the next appt. Opinions please?

Excited Me....

2009-11-19T09:09:00.000-08:00

Ok...so I haven't been sleeping well and have been letting the little things stress me out which is stupid because I have no control over those things. Today is a new day though....I am in a fantastic mood (let's just hope it lasts until 4 when I become a whole different person "Pregnant Sarah"..lol). I turned on Christmas music today...and you know what, it works. I started thinking about all the time I will get to spend with my family this next week. After Ethan's very important and exciting soccer games on Sat we are going up to the mountains with my family....from Sat until Tue. Than coming home to work on Wed and than back up Wed night until Sat with Brandon's family. Do you know what mountain time means....nothing. We just sit and read and do puzzles and play games and take walks and eat. I love it!
And do you know what tomorrow is? New Moon. I am not ashamed, I bought my tickets last month to see it.

Heartbeat.

2009-11-17T12:32:00.000-08:00

Just me with a big smile because I had to share the news...we heard a very fast healthy heartbeat. The Dr said that if we made it this far we should be good to go but she is going to send us to get another ultrasound next week to make sure it all looks as good as it sounds.
Thank you Jesus!

Just another Manic Monday....

2009-11-16T08:53:00.001-08:00

So there was a pretty nasty comment on my post below....and I was going to address it but than I thought about it. I do feel sad for the person that wrote it, you have to really be hurting to say the kinds of things they said. Do I need to make it worse by replying....probably not. More than anything I think that "Lucifer" as they called themselves needs some prayer. So if you are all "pray-ers" out there please say a prayer of peace for so called "Lucifer".
And moving on....this weekend was full of soccer which is good because it has kept me distracted from our big Dr's appt tomorrow. About two yrs ago we made it to the 10 week time frame to find out the baby hadn't made it past 8 weeks....so we go in tomorrow praying to hear a heartbeat. :)
Back to soccer....I have always liked soccer but never thought of myself as the soccer Mom...now I LOVE it and would proudly display a "Soccer Mom" sticker on my car and all...lol. I got to ref a lot this year and think I will even sign up again next year to ref. On Sat Ashley played her final game...they were up 2-1 (did I mention they haven't won a game). Things were looking good. Ashley gets put in the goal box the final quarter (my stomach dropped). She's good but she is also a 7 yr old girl...if it is kicked harder than a roll it usually goes in. The other team was desperate so what do they do....gggrr. A little girl just sits down there in front of the goal becasue they don't have offside until U10. And she gets tha ball and it is One on One...and this girl has a foot on her. So it is tied up...than we score, there is hope again. And than that same little girl sits back in front of Ashley all by herself (cherry picking is what it is called in basketball)..and she just waits and waits and does it again and one more time. So we lose 4-3...but the girls played sooo good. And than the coach for the other team comes over and apologizes...she apologizes for the cherry picking and had no intention of doing that. What...this is after the game after you watched the same little girl do it three times. let me tell you....it is hard being a Mom, it is hard being a Christian Mom because I had some words going on in my head. It was like when Ethan pushes Ashley and than apologizes...and than when I get on him he says "But I said sorryyyyy." You just don't expect that from adults.
And on to happier news....Ethan's team won and we are on to the semi finals next week and hopefully on to the finals. Go Crushers!
Happy Monday!

Remember this.....

2009-09-10T13:36:00.000-07:00

Last January this was my Mission List for 2009....

1.Write a snail mail letter or card to a friend once a month. Ha, didn't happen.
2.Go on a date with each child individually once a month. Nope..not this one either.
3.Complete 6 events; i.e. 5k, Marathon, Triathlon Completed and signed up to do a few more!
4.Go away with Brandon for a long weekend...to either celebrate our engagement anniversary or a birthday. (Went to San Fran in Feb and Africa in Aug)
5.Get desks and organize them (and rooms) for Ethan and Ashley. Got desks...working on organization.
6.To intentionally "give" something once a month. Gift or money. Didn't happen...need to be more intentional.
7.Plan and go on date night once a month with Brandon. Nope, not this one either.
8.Keep friends and family updated with actual pictures..not just the email version. Ha, not even close.
9.Start holding a "WILL PLAY FOR FOOD" quarterly and donate to Second Harvest Food Bank. Nope, not this one either...haven't even held one.
10.Get pregnant gosh darn't. No, still not pregnant.
11.Read at least 4 books on my "Must Read" list. Have read 4 books...I think 1 might have been on the Must Read List..lol.
12.Start volunteering and getting involved with Horizon Pregnancy Center. Went to one of their fundraisers.
13.Get my haircut when I need it and not feel guilty about spending money on myself.
Think it is ridiculous how much haircuts cost...nope, had a change of mind on this one.
14. And last but not least...learn to say No and prioritize so I can have a less stressful, more enjoyable, more patience, remember why I am here and spend time with my family kind of year! I was reading a blog and came across Psalm 39...thought it fit perfectly.
Well...this last one. I have learned how to say no, and prioritize. And some of the things on the list got thrown to the bottom of my priority list.

This post was mostly because I wrote one last night...rethought it and took it off of here...lol. But because I had posted it the title was still up and I needed something new up. :P

Still Processing....

2009-08-30T14:39:00.000-07:00

the fact that they get their drinking water here....everyday.

that they bathe here.

that the three little girls eating together share a bed..

Yet there was so much joy, hope, and smiles.

Oyugis

2009-08-22T17:35:00.000-07:00

I have been going through pictures and video...and thinking about ways to remember this trip. And wondering how do I even blog about something like this. Do I give you day by day...highlights...I had no idea where to start. Now that we have been home for over a week it is clear to me that a part of my heart has been left in a little town called Oyugis. It is the town we stayed in while we were given a chance to share in the final week of Immanuel Christian School for the Deaf before they go on their break. My mind is clouded with the memories, sounds, smells, and sights of this school. I am pretty sure half of my heart is still there. And even though we were on a missions trip to serve these people I am pretty sure I took a lot more from them than I gave. I have come to the conclusion that it is OK because now I can share it with all of you guys. :) Their motto is "Disability is not Inability" and they sure showed us that they were more than able. They have nothing compared to our standards. Children sharing mattresses on a dirty floor, sharing broken flip flops, eating rice with their hands, walking miles to get their water. But one thing they all had were SMILES...great big joyful smiles. Most of the children at this school have come from horrible situations. Several (over half) are orphaned to to their parents dying of AIDS. They have been mistreated, left on the side of the road, or abused because they are deaf. The deaf are useless according to the Africans however things are slowly changing. These children have been given a chance and we are thankful for DMI (Deaf Ministries International) for supplying this chance to them. They are given a chance to learn...they are busy with schooling, dancing, physical education, and drama. Most importantly they are studying God's Word. They all have hearts of gold and over and over we were told I love you, I love you, thank you, thank you, thank you. And I had to reply with "No, thank you, thank you, thank you...I love you and you and you and you." Here are some of my favorite pictures at the school.

They just bought some new land and are hoping to be able to grow some things to sell. They had everyone on the team plant a tree and we had a blessing over the land at the end. We are hoping to go back in a few years and see our trees.

Some dances.

Stretching during PE. This is before I got schooled in netball and after I got to "run with the Kenyans"...never mind that they were 4 and 5 yr olds.

Some painting.

No..I did not get in the paint...what would give you that idea?

Our little friend, Ben, with a clean face. His mother is the cook at the school so he is hearing and speaking....most of the time...lol.

Lilie Blue Eyes

Cliford. Not sure if he is deaf but I think he is autistic for sure. We shared a nice silent moment of smiles during one of our rainy hours. No noise other than the rain and we he would just look over at me, so I would smile, than he would look away. Than look back and I would smile and he would look away....and you get the picture.

I will never admit this again, and I will only admit this to you so don't tell anyone but these were our favorite kids. I know, I know...but you get it. You either bond with a certain someone or just fall in love with them. Tom and Brandon had a connection and I just fell in love with Evalyne. They were both such passionate people with so much potential. He won the award for Most Athletic and she did a beautiful poem that even though I didn't know what she was signing half the time I teared up.

This is the little girl we are sponsoring....Melvin Anyango. She is a doll...and young so we can watch her grow and flourish. We (Brandon and myself) have already committed to going back and when I say that I mean we totally shook hands and spit in them and all that...lol.
So these were some favorites. I will share stories and more pictures another day.

I'm Back...and trying to work.

2009-08-17T13:42:00.000-07:00

We got back from Africa on Friday.....and days later I can't stop thinking about it. And I mean, can't work, totally distracted thinking about it. I loved Kenya...I loved the people, I loved the land. And so my question is "now what". Don't worry....I will post tons of pictures (we have about 5000)...lol. But my mind can't stop thinking of Tom or Mercy or Clifford or Lillian or Lily or Melvin, or Evalyne...in fact we have already named our 3rd child (no, we are not pregnant, just hoping that someday it will happen) Evalyne after a beautiful little deaf girl that we met at the Immanuel Christian School for the Deaf in Ringa, Kenya. "What now" just keeps running through my head....what should I do, what can I do? Part of my heart is still there...and I think it will remain. I got to be a Missionary for 2 weeks...but I feel that God is saying that there is more. I know there is more. I experienced God in a new place with new people with different eyes...I realized how big our God is. Yet as big as he is I also experienced the personal, intimate God in the relationships with the people I met. God was working...silly white Americans who don't sign were having conversations of the heart with these little African, non hearing children. All the time, God is good.

Off to Africa......

2009-07-30T21:30:00.001-07:00

My laptop is down to it's last strings....haven't been able to download any pictures. Competed in two events in July...got my 5k PR...mini vacation to Palm Springs...OC Mud Run...Krista's sister, Sarah, got married...July was a great and busy month.
And tomorrow morning Brandon and I leave for Africa. A week in Kenya and a week in Uganda. Excited, anxious, just a few of the words flying around in my head. I have been praying for an open heart, guidance, good health, and no lost baggage...lol. I am looking forward to getting to know the people of Africa and sharing the Good News and just loving on them. So please pray for us and I will be back in 2 weeks with some stories and pictures.

Krista's Wedding

2009-07-10T20:48:00.000-07:00

Happy One Week Krista and Drew!
Here are some pictures...I still haven't been able to post my pics...but thank you Debbee, Emily, and Heather for yours. :)
The celebration started at the rehearsal...when you heard over and over about what wonderful people Drew and Krista were. And over and over...seriously, two of the best people you will ever meet. I told Drew that we have been praying for him for years and years....and God provided. The wedding was beautiful...we all wore fun and funky colored shoes (including the bride) and we had bright fun flowers, and the stage was set so perfectly with eclectic put together trees made by a sexy man I like to call B2. There was great food in the park and fun dancing with goofy hats and glasses. The Three Musketeers sang and danced to Richard Marx's "Right Here Waiting" and new friends were made while dancing to "Boom, Boom". Thank you Krista and Drew for falling in love and making this world a better place because of who you are and the love you share with others.
In no order at all...some of my favorite pictures of the day...

My Memory of Michael Jackson

2009-07-07T12:01:00.000-07:00

Living in Southern California we see the traffic...we see the craziness...we see our dollars being spent on the circus that is surrounding the Memorial of Michael Jackson. Is it a little crazy?...yes...BUT as I read and listen I am a little saddened by our response. I have heard more bad jokes and whining about MJ and the bad press that follows him. Yes, I agree he was a little strange...all the surgeries, the trials, and the crazy names for his kids...Blanket, really? However, as a Christian I can't see why any of that matters. When I die....I pray, for my childrens sake, that you don't talk about how I got a divorce, how I had sex out of marriage and produced a child from that, I ask that you don't talk about how I was a liar, how I hurt people. If anything, I pray that you remember that I was one of God's children too. And so I will remember that MJ brought people together with this wonderful song....how he made a difference in people's life's, how he wrote songs that brought up real stuff, and that the same God that loves and died for me loves and died for MJ also.

Wedding!

2009-07-02T09:14:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the big day....and I am sooo excited! It is a day I have been looking forward to since.. forever. One of my BFF's...1/3rd of the Three Musketeers is getting married! I have really been thinking about what she has been in my life...and I have realized that she is a HUGE part of why I am me. She is one of those people who helps you be a better person. I have made some pretty big mistakes and bad decisions but being around her or even listening to her wisdom I knew I could always come back...I knew that even through all of those bad choices she still loved me and through her I could see that God still loved me. It is true what they say....your best friends love you even when they know the real you. So I hope to have some amazing pictures next week of the wedding!

Reflections (Post title stolen from Gina)

2009-06-26T09:19:00.001-07:00

1. My laptop has been wacky...our horrible cable/internet service stinks...so when my laptop is good and I have time our cable/internet goes out. TWC STINKS!
2. One week from today one of my bestest friends is getting married, this year we realized we have been friends for 25 yrs. Do you have one of those kinds of friends? I love it...all of our history and knowing that we will have a future. I am sooo excited to share in this part of her life as she marries the man of her dreams and I am excited to be gaining a new family member in him. We have waited for this day and I am going to go out and buy water proof makeup because we are criers.
3. Father's Day....was awesome. I was tired and cranky, didn't want to do anything but sleep. Went to an Angels game with the family and had a wonderful time. Thought about how lucky I am that I have two great Father's that love me very much. My heavenly father and earthly father...and I can look up to them both and know 100% that they both have my back and love me for me. And I also realized how blessed I am that my children have an amazing father in Brandon. Being a single Mom is tough...most good men don't want your baggage. Brandon willingly took my baggage...I gave him many opportunities to get out. But he took on my baggage and loves my kids more than I could ever dream of. Thank you Brandon.
4. Jon & Kate Plus 8...makes me sick. Tired of them, tired of people feeling sorry for her. Why is infidelity the "worser" thing? Um, last I looked she pretty much stripped the man of all his dignity. He said it himself..."I didn't choose to be a stay at home Dad, the decision was made for me." I understand both sides...she feels betrayed because supposedly he was with another women. However he just wants to feel loved and respected and since his wife doesn't seem to have much of either towrds him he is just saying "Amen, now I can try and gain some respect and feel loved again." Either way it stinks for the kids and I hope they totally pull the show off the air.
5. My teeth are much better. AMEN! But I am not done and now see why brushing and flossing is not enough...you should actually go to the dentist and have them clean your teeth also. I don't do this....I am stupid.
6. My children have been gone for a week now....I am excited for the freedom on being childless however realized I have packed way too much into the short time they are gone and am just as stressed and busy and saved no time to just rest and relax.
Ashley called me yesterday...and than we hung up...and than she called me again. She talks a lot...she could sit on the phone all day. Last night I started to really miss Ethan. I was reminiscing when it was just he and I. Wondering if any other 25 yr old women had a 2 yr old for a best friend....I would talk to him like he was my age...lol. Good thing Brandon came into the picture or the poor kid would still have to listen to me. :)
7. Deaths always come in threes....a little creepy. And how do we let someone get $400 Million in Debt when I can't get a measly home loan?
8. I can't think of anything else...I had more but my brain stopped...does yours do that. Just stop.

Great Friend, Great Cake

2009-06-17T12:17:00.000-07:00

Our church is lucky enough to have a wonderful Woman's Minister....and I am blessed to call her a friend also. It is her birthday tomorrow so we got together on Monday for a little pre birthday fun. I was in charge of dessert. I had seen this cake in different blogs with different colors and many more layers. I had to try it. I love to bake...and try and decorate cakes. Usually Brandon has to take over because I am ruining it or it gets thrown away. I found my signature cake....Brandon still helped. But I am claiming this cake as mine! He gets everything else...this is my "happy, happy, fun cake." And Happy Birthday again AT, you are absolutely amazing!

A little deeper

2009-06-11T14:32:00.000-07:00

Not that Angels games and Bridal Showers aren't deep.....but my brain is going a hundred miles a minute and I haven't trapped any of it in word lately. Not that I am any good at it because it is usually going too fast. :) Just finished a great book....Crazy Love by Francis Chan. And I have been challenged...in many ways. So I will be tackling one at a time. As of lately one of my biggest challenges has been....Why? Why did he forgive me? Why did he die for my sins? I know he loves me and having children I say I would do anything for them....but I still don't get it. In society we put sins on different levels and think..."he forgave that one but oh, this one is so much bigger." And I can not comprehend why sometimes. Guilt is such a big problem for me.....and I know it is just Satan digging as far as he can. I have read a few things that have made me think....not answering the questions, but gave me something more to think about. I read a blog...that had a quote from a book..."From Eternity to Here" by Frank Viola. I know NOTHING about this book or the author, just the phrase I read in someone's blog. It said....
You have a Lord who wishes to cherish you. Neither your fallen nature nor your sins are an obstacle for Him. He has dealt with them thoroughly, completely, and willingly by His death and resurrection.
So I read that and thought...ok, yeah, heard that before, I get it. But do I act like I got it, no. But I read something else....the difference between what I should should be doing and what I am doing. He is talking about Mary Magdalene...
“Indeed, Mary of Magdala is a study in undying love. I ask you: What provoked such unending devotion? It was simply this: Mary believed the Lord’s opinion of her. She took His opinion of herself rather than her own. In doing so, love was awakened within her own heart for Christ…
Mary believed the Lord's opinion of her. Do I believe the Lord's opinion of me....or do I get wrapped up in what society says about me, do I compare myself, do I listen to people's pointless opinions. Yep, I do all of those.
And I love this one....(thank you Amanda)....I think this is the way to live.

What other people think of you is none of your business!

Last Month in Review

2009-06-10T14:04:00.001-07:00

It's been a busy one so I will just catch up through pictures.

Some Angels games and a little tailgating.

Ethan receiving his award for the OC Marathon.

Debbee T's birthday breakfast at the best breakfast spot in San Marino, Julienne's.

A Lovely Bridal Shower for one of my BFFs.

And we played a fabulous game....Love songs through the decades and we got to keep a C.D. of some great Love Songs.

So I listen to it at work...over..and over...and over again. My favorites right now.
I'll Have to Say I Love You in a Song by Jim Croce.
To Make You Feel My Love (Kris Allen,American Idol version)...although I love Garth.
The Book of Love by The Magnetic Fields....loving this one for some reason...and he words sort of crack me up.
Love is All Around by The Troggs.

Countdown...23 DAYS!

Triathlon #2, Event #5 of 2009

2009-06-08T09:18:00.000-07:00

I know that I have lots to catch up on but I HAD to tell you about my Triathlon. It was at the same park as the last one and this one was sooooo much better.
First of all the swim was half of the last one so that helped.
Big debate before the race if we wear swimsuits or not. We wouldn't be in the water long so we shouldn't get too cold out there, but they keep the less talented swimmer more bouyant (I have no idea how to spell that word). Less transition time without the wetsuit. So I caved in and didn't wear a wetsuit. Get there and see that we are 2 out of maybe 5 women not in wetsuits, so panic set in a little bit. Especially when a seasoned triathlete came up to me in my two piece speedo outfit and said "Wow, you're hardcore." Followed with my nervous giggle. Brandon and Drew started in the heat before us.

Then it was our turn....

And remember the panic of my last swim....not so much. Thanks to Billy B. I did the backstroke the whole way. :) He told me that I would excert less energy and get further with the backstroke than with my backwards frog kick stroke..lol. And I did. Don't open this picture any bigger...not a pretty sight but I just wanted to show you that there were people behind me...I was not the last one out of the water. And I am not in a crazy panic like last one.

And here my partner in crime and I are leaving the transition together...I had to put this picture up. Remember how she forgot her helmet last time, well she remembered it this time. HOWEVER, (I love you Debbee) although she remembered her helmet she forgot to put it on the right way and wore it backwards the whole race. I'm in red and she is in pink. :)

I guess I will add a cool picture of Brandon, this was him finishing his bike section (great pic from our photographer Krista!)

Bike course...cake compared to the last one. I got a road bike and oh, what a difference it makes. I love me some mountain biking but the road bike goes a lot faster when you are on the road. But I won't lie...I still got passed a lot. So frustrating when (pardon me) very large people pass you with ease when you are working hard and say "Great job". Arrgghh...I'll catch them on the run. :)

And here is the whole crew finishing.

The run went well....I have learned that your legs are mush but only for the first mile so I pushed through that and once again, I did not get passed. Well, if you want to count the 13 yr old girl that sprinted past me at the end I guess you could count that. I actually ran with a little group of 12 adn 13 yr olds at the end and they pushed me to a hard finish. I was soo impressed by all the random people out there competing. Kids...I mean little kids out there. There was an athlete who was a double leg amputee, there was a young man (don't know the correct term) but he was in a wheel chair and could not talk or walk and he did it with a partner. Over sized people. It was just super impressive to participate in an event where there were so many different people and everyone is sooo friendly. I think because it is such a small field compared to the running only races. And I am very blessed to have a husband a group of friends who enjoy doing this so we can do it as a community.

WE DID IT!

And of course we had to get a group photo with the photographer and our little cheering crew. Thanks friends! Now on to train for another 5K PR.

Need Help

2009-06-04T08:47:00.001-07:00

First of all, I still have not gotten my teeth taken care of. I want to complain about our insurance but I need to be greatful that I have access to dentists that can take care of this thing ....and I have money to pay for all of my million visits. I went in on Tue...my insurance wouldn't pay so no root canal. I went in yesterday...and my insurance would pay however they only have a specialist in one day a month who can do it and he will be back in about 2 or 3 weeks. Not happening, not going to make it until than. So I had an apt for this morning....just found out they won't take my insurance. The kind receptionist is on the hunt to find someone that can get me in today.....so I am PATIENTLY waiting.
In other news....the kids will be gone and so we are cleaning out the rooms. And I am talking "clean sweep"...out with the old and in with the new. Ashley is getting a new bed and needs a new "theme". Can't decide...and we are NOT asking her opinion. She likes everything anyways...one of those kids that jsut gets excited. I show her one thing and she is like "Oh, I love it..we could do this and that." And than moments later I show her another room and get the same response. So here are the 4 that I like...she is 7 and I am hoping that this can stick with her for a bit so which ones do you like?

Maybe?

2009-06-02T08:38:00.001-07:00

Maybe tomorrow will be the day where I can start functioning again.....
these last three weeks have been a blur due to pain. I have realized that I am absolutely NO good when I am not 100%. I am getting a root canal today and I am THRILLED. And I truly mean that because I think in 24 hrs I will be able to fully function again. Can we get an amen! I am no good to anyone in this state. However I do have to share a few things that have happened in the last month or so.
I ran the Orange County Half Marathon....not enough preparation so I didn't PR but it was fun and beautiful and I did it. And than on Memorial Day (after a few nights of very little sleep) I ran a 5k. This one I had been preparing for...running and even doing a few sprint workouts and I totally PR'd. I was pretty excited...ran 22:47...which is abuot a min faster than my best one. Of course I Brandon had to go and outrun me with a 22:41....but remember, very little sleep, painful tooth...lol. And I still have the 4th of July 5k....that will be my comeback. :)
And lastly I got to participate in something new....took a new friend out from Colette's Home. It is a place for either abused or homeless woman to go and get some help...get a fresh start. I met with a young single Mom who was homeless before she got in touch with Colette's Home. We did lunch and a movie and it was great. I was asked to just mention it on our new blog for the Womans Ministry so go check it out. Let me tell you.....it is so ODD to hear yourself talk and than to watch yourself. First thing out of my mouth "Do I really talk like that, is that what I sound like?" And than I proceeded to make fun of myself and my head bobs..so go laugh at me too. And for those of you who haven't met me in real life...I don't believe that is really my voice, or bouncy attitude, but whatever...lol. :)
http://womenatfcc.blogspot.com/

2009-05-30T07:42:00.000-07:00

I feel like I have been gone forever so I don't know how to catch up. I am tired and have been having teeth problems turned into face, jaw, and ear problems so I am not sleeping well. I'm a little bit cranky a lot so I will just send you to my children's blog site for now....they got their haircuts and I have before and afters.
Last night I went to the first of many wedding events for the summer....one of my best friends sister's, Sarah, who has been a great friend to me too. My biology partner back in high school....and so much more. It was one of the sweetest showers I have been too and it is neat to see how many people love Sarah....and how much Dean loves her. There was this adorable game where the bridesmaids asked Dean questions and Sarah had to guess how he would respond...than we would hear his answer. The last one was "How do you like to be romantic?"...and than wham, he was at the shower to read a sweet poem he wrote to her. You could see that he truly loves her the way a man should love a woman...it was just too sweet. Ok, so here is the kids blog.

http://bnsbruce.blogspot.com/

Mothers Day Poem to me...

2009-05-13T06:43:00.001-07:00

Ethan brought home a poem for me for Mothers Day.

The important thing about my mom is that she loves me.
It is true that she in an accountant and has blond hair.
She is also funny and she is 32 years old.
My Mom drinks a lot of coffee, she is awesome, kind, cool, and fun too.
My Mom loves country music, goes on Facebook a lot, and is tall.
But the important thing about my Mom is that she loves me.

Even though I was hoping for something like "She is a Godly woman who loves people" it just shows that my son knows me. I am a coffee drinking fool who is on Facebook too much and makes my kids listen to country music....while being awesome and cool and fun!

Because He Lives

2009-05-11T08:59:00.000-07:00

I think I am finally back!
My computer was out of commission...it got fixed...my camera was out...got fixed...our internet service was bad at our house...that, and it has been a busy month has left me behind. But Rick has motivated me to get on here. And hopefully this week I can catch up on this past month.
On Mother's Day our church choir sang in the Classic Service. We have different venues...Main Church, Video Cafe, Overdrive, and Classic. I haven't been to classic but knew they (choir) were going to be singing so I thought I would give it a shot. At first not realizing that it was Mother's Day I thought I would just go listen to them sing but than it made it even more special that I got to sit with my Mom on Mothers Day. In Classic you use a hymnal book, I don't think I have had to look up a song in at least 20 years..seriously. And the choir got up and sang...Because He Lives. Rick wrote a blog mentioning that he noticed I teared up and was wondering what I was thinking (first I have to call Rick out because I told my Mom and she said "What, I only look at Don, we are supposed to look at Don"...she is such a rule follower...lol) So I thought I would share. Honestly, I was just thinking of how beautiful it was...the choir sounded beautiful, the words were beautiful. Different things touch us and mine is music. I hadn't heard that song in forever...probably 20 yrs also...but it was beautiful and I remembered most of the words. When I really sit down and think about why that song brings tears to my eyes I really started thinking. 20 years ago I was a young, sweet, naive little girl. I knew God loved me back than, I knew Jesus came to love, heal, and forgive. And now, 20 years later I am not the young, sweet, and naive little girl. In fact I have made some ugly choices, some nasty sins....BUT the amazing thing is GOD IS STILL THE SAME GOD. He still loves, heals, and forgives. And to know that "Because He Lives, I can face tomorrow"...it felt good. And to hear such beautiful voices remind me of that was a blessing. So thank you Rick, Mom, Don...and the rest of the Choir.

Laptop Down!

2009-04-18T12:10:00.000-07:00

My computer/laptop is still fine however my battery died this week....totally gone. So I have no laptop...I have access to my computer at work and Brandon "allows" me to use his when he is not using it. Which is funny because he is always using it. So this has been sort of a good process for me....slowly healing my addiction to Facebook and Blogging..lol. Brandon is on a bike ride right now so I thought I would try and catch up my blog.
This past week was Brandon's 29th birthday...starting his 30th year in life. And I said I would cook for him so I slaved away in the kitchen and I present to you....

My tomato/mozzarella salad! He's the better cook so nothing I can do is going to be better than what he makes so I keep it simple. :) But I enjoy celebrating every year I have with him. I was blessed when he came into my life....not many men would have taken the baggage but he accepted and embraced it and I don't thank him enough.
I have been reading two books that constantly challenge me...Crazy Love and ENOUGH. That last one is really challenging the way I live. I have realized that I do a good job of seeking and challenging myself....but it is no good if you don't follow through with the challenges...after the 1st day. :) So I am praying that I start to put things into practice that I learn. One thing I really need to fix is myself...I made myself sick to my stomach this week by eating too much candy. I don't understand how as an adult I can literally not control myself and I make myself sick from sugar. REALLY?? So once again I am going to try and refrain from too much sugar...I feel like I say this every few months BUT this time it really bummed me out and I realize how much it affects my energy and mood. Well....today will be a fun day in the park, meeting some new friends and Ethan's birthday party. Pictures will soon follow. :)

Happy Easter....belated.

2009-04-14T05:58:00.000-07:00

He has Risen and what a beautiful day it was!
We decided to wake up early along with the rest of the "crew" that does this weekly and we volunteered to work the 8am service. We weren't as prepared and the Easter bunny got the baskets out in time but didn't get the eggs hidden. The alarm was set for 530 and Ashley came in and woke me up at 445...and she was the one I was worried about getting up early. I told her to go to sleep and she did...in Ethan's room after she woke him up. So I had to inform the kids I "forgot" to take the eggs out of the refrigerator last night so the Easter bunny was not able to hide the eggs. They were fine and said they would give me some time to go hide them....outside. So I hid them and we were out on our front lawn at 6 running around looking for eggs. I better our neighbors loved us...running around giggling looking for hidden eggs. So being up that early we made it to church at 740....perfect timing. I always enjoy seeing the little kids in their new outfits. Things I enjoyed most....1)At all 3 of the services in the Lightouse hearing Travis yell "Lets sing Jesus Loves Me".."Why, because he loves us and died for our sins!" 2)Watching the kids run out of the building screaming for hidden eggs. 3)Sitting around the dinner table laughing so hard I was crying.
Here are some pictures we got...LOVING the family picture and I am guessing you might see the outfits in a few more pictures when we get our "family photo" done.

And my laptop battery died so I have no laptop...AUGH...I had to sneak in on Brandon's computer to just post this (AND ONLY GOT ONE PICTURE UP)but hopefully I will be up and running soon or else..did I say AUGH!!!!

Mama Kat's Writers Workshop

2009-04-09T14:49:00.000-07:00

I had a few minutes and when I read this I thought I HAVE to share this story and it won't be funny unless you sort of know me.

1.) Describe a moment when you realized you and your spouse were SO different.

Back in July of 2003 (seriously the week we were getting married...a few days before we were going to be flying to CA to get married) I come home from work and I walk in the door and hear "Surprise, I got us a dog, a cute little chocolate lab named Ellie."

Enough said.

Let's try this again......

2009-04-07T18:47:00.000-07:00

I would like to say that I have been so overwhelmingly busy these past few weeks...month, but it is just work. I have really been pushing my brain at work and I haven't had to do that in awhile. I am being tested in more ways than one and it is challenging. I like to compare everything to running...I have been told I need to run 1 mile and I need to complete it in 6 minutes and than they laugh at me and say "You better hurry up because you only have 5 min left." That has been work. And I have let it get to me. So today I am reading this great book (at least the first two chapters are great) and it says "Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control" (Thank you Mr Francis Chan.) Thank you for the reminder and the wake up call that God is bigger...and if God wants me to finish that mile in enough time it will happen and if not than that is up to God too. I love the fact that I am supposed to be living in faith because I can't do it and it isn't about me anyways.
So obviously I have been really bad about posting...and one of the things I wanted to do was keep family up to date with pictures and the kids "happenings". So I started a blog just for updates on the kids and I will update it every weekend. So here it is.

The Kids Blog

So all you people from MO,CO,TN,AZ,IA...that blog is specifically for you guys.. :)

Stole this BUT....

2009-04-03T09:41:00.000-07:00

it was too funny not to repost.

Today

2009-04-01T07:24:00.001-07:00

I've been gone for awhile and when I say gone I just mean really busy with work.
But I wanted to tell everyone that I don't like today...I don't like April Fools Day. I don't like going all day waiting for someone to pull a prank on me. I tried to pull one on my sister's Facebook page the other day....I retracted it within a minute of posting it...I felt that guilty. I am taking the kids to Disneyland today (we are getting our passes back....AMEN) and I thought I would use the old joke "Disneyland burned down"...they replied with "Than can we get passes to Knotts?" So of course it also backfired because all morning I have been hearing "Mommy, guess what..blah,blah,blah, or whatever." Me: "Really? or "What?" Them:APRIL FOOLS!
Yep, not a big fan of this day at all.

Sunday...and Daughter like Mother?

2009-03-20T06:35:00.000-07:00

Sunday was a fun day.....opening of our new Children's Building at the church. It was so exciting to be a part of it. I have been a part of this church since 1988 and it is so neat that my children are now a part of this church. I got to work in the Lighthouse (3, 4, 5 yr olds) and to see their eyes when they walked in was so fun. From 1950's buildings to new updated modern fun classrooms. After church we got to go to an Anaheim Arsenal basketball game...can you say tall? We got to sit close (most seats are close...lol) and wow, 7 ft tall is T A L L.

And this last picture...I walked into Ashley's room this morning...she is beginning to become a mini Sarah...so proud.

My Community Helper

2009-03-13T07:29:00.000-07:00

These last two weeks have been Community Helper week's in Ashley's class. They have talked about a lot of CH's in our community...they have met Police Officers and Firefighters and Doctors. When they came home with the sheet that had what Community Helper they wanted to be I was a little shocked but it is "oh so Ashley"....she wants to be a Hair Dresser. She had a little paper suitcase with little paper scissors, brushes, and a water bottle. I asked her why she wanted to be this out of all the CH options and she said "I like to be creative and artistic and do people's hair." "Hair Dresser's are artists."
So here she is today dressed up as a Hair Dresser. And a reminder that last year during Ethan's CH weeks he wanted to be a chef....so I will be getting some good food and getting my hair done much more than I do now. :)

Mama Kat's Writers Workshop

2009-03-11T08:31:00.000-07:00

Once again she has a topic or two that I can write about....so here you go.

1)DISCUSS AN INTENSE GAME OF PICTIONARY THAT YOU SPENT A DAY ARGUING ABOUT WITH THE FAMILY.
Didn't even have to think about this one...lol. Christmas of 2006. We have a party every year with our extended 'Family' which means they are not blood related but they have been a part of our lives from the beginning and they are family. We decided to play girls against guys pictionary. You get one of each sex and tell them the word and they draw and we all just scream out guesses...first sex to get the word gets a point and so on. I am pretty sure it was the 3rd person up. My Dad against Elaine. Game on...as Elaine starts to draw we start to yell and my Dad just stands there with a grin...no drawing at all. All of the sudden Ryan yells out the answer and Dad sayd "Yep..wow..good job." The fun begins...someone who I won't name names but we will call her Schlezibeth....on her feet "NOT FAIR, DOESNT COUNT, BOYS DIDNT EVEN DRAW ANYTHING." Fight begins....lol..everyone arguing and than Schlezibeth gets louder and louder and it turns from funny to end of game. Basically we found out Bob whispered the word to Ryan on his way up to the drawing board and now we never play Pictionary...in fact I am pretty sure we don't play any games anymore other than the Annual "Hide you hideous white elephant gift so you don't get stuck bringing it home."

2)TELL ABOUT A TIME YOU HURT SOMEBODY THAT STILL BOTHERS YOU TO THIS DAY.
Pretty ironic since I just posted about it a few days ago...enough said.

3)THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY...SPILL IT.
We will call him "He", so HE was the one that got away...we had a wonderful connection, intense relationship and friendship, he knew me because I could be me and he was ok with me, lots of late night talks, lots of love letters written, didn't work out on paper, bad timing, years of crying over him, still think of him as a great friend, and am I glad he got away?...YES. With my beautiful kids and amazingly manly husband I am glad things turned out the way they did.

http://mamakatslosinit.blogspot.com/
Here is her page, go check it out!

San Francisco & Oakland

2009-03-10T21:40:00.000-07:00

I don't want to bore you with details of how Brandon and I had no plans and did nothing I will just share some pictures of San Francisco and our 2ND Running Event (2nd of 6 already).
It was beautiful and I was sooooo unprepared. Hills..both up and down hurt my knees, my hips, my insides...and I had to walk up a lot BUT we finished it together and LOVED it.

Jim & Diana

2009-03-09T22:03:00.000-07:00

I have been too tired to post about our mini trip to San Francisco but it was beautiful, restful, and someday I will post the funny pictures of our Trail Run.
I have been tired and than tonight I just got hit with something...I don't know where it came from exactly....I don't know if it is because it is March. In March of 2002 I met Jim & Diana for a nice lunch at Chevy's. They flew out from Virginia to meet with me. They were both cute, they had brown hair. They loved history...they studied history. They had been to all of the Civil War sites....I mean they knew a lot about history. They were very involved in their church and they had a dog. They were nice, nice people. Diana looked at me and smiled....a lot. And we laughed together and we hugged.
So all of this made it harder when I had to write to tell her that I would be keeping my baby. I didn't want to think it was anything against them...and I knew what she would say would be out of her sadness and hurting. And I still think about them and cry for them. I know they have forgiven me...in my heart I know they have a beautiful child if not two already. I don't understand why we judge and why we criticize. If we all had our stories on our backs or our t-shirts we would maybe watch what we said more. I am selfish, I retracted a promise, I gave and took away, you can question people on their decisions but know it is more than likely going to haunt them longer than you will remember to "not understand".

Update and Vacation!

2009-02-26T12:59:00.000-08:00

I am at work...but I can't work. I am sooo distracted.
At 1130 all I could think was 7 more hours....and now it is 1 and I am counting down...only 5 1/2 hrs.
Until what..until Brandon and I are on mini vacation!
We are going to San Francisco minus kids, minus friends, just the two of us. If you have kids you especially know that this is rare and important. (Last time we did this was April of 2006) Time to reconnect and hope that you still like each other without all of that other stuff that distracts you like your children, work, and friends. :)
We are dropping the kids off at Grandma and Grandpa's at 630 tonight and we have a whole team watching them this weekend...so THANK YOU TEAM!
We only set one thing in stone for the weekend...we are doing a Trail Run in Oakland. And if you haven't heard...lol..Brandon hurt his foot (UPDATE...it does not look like it is a stress fracture and it is feeling a lot better but was told to not RUN for approx 2 weeks. Funny thing is after I bad mouthed him or whatever you call it my foot is hurting...we are walking the 20K and shall just see what happens). But other than that we have NO PLANS...and I love it! We are bringing a book called The Marriage Prayer and going to finish going through it. We are also going to re-evaluate where we are at and where we want to be and talk about ways we can simplify. We found out that Spring Soccer is not going to happen this year so that means no Saturday sports until next Sep..seriously! So we'll actually have time to get things done, clean up our lives a little, and even have fun. :)
So hopefully on Monday I have some great pictures and stories.

World Vision: Experience AIDS

2009-02-24T22:32:00.000-08:00

Tonight we had a neat opportunity to do something a little different. We sponsor a young girl named Brenda through World Vision. We found a little girl that is the same age as Ashley and we have been sponsoring her for a couple years now. Basically we just send $35 a month and send letters during the holidays. We get a picture annually and an update on her schooling and health twice a year. We have tried to use this as a tool to share with the kids about children around the world who do not have all this "stuff" that they have and that we need to pray for them and find ways to take care of them. Honestly, not much comes out of it. Every once in awhile Ashley will ask if we can send some extra money to Brenda or will ask about her. Tonight we got to go to something called "Experience AIDS"....an interactive walk through exhibit that transported us to Africa in the footsteps of the children who have been impacted by AIDS. We each wore a headset and became the little girl or boy that we would follow...I became Emmanuel....a young boy whose Mother and Father both died of AIDS, and whose 9 yr old brother took care of him. I spent 20 min walking through curtains that took me to a new scene of Emmanuel's life. Towards the end I stepped into the Health Clinic and waited patiently for a hand stamp...would I get a positive or negative stamp. Thankfully I received a negative...and I let a few tears of joy drop knowing that Emmanuel had not been diagnosed with AIDS. Hearing the statistics and putting them with faces in the room were not only sad but scary. After the last room there was a prayer wall....and across from the prayer wall were children who needed to be sponsored. We took the kids and found a little boy that had the same birthday as Ethan. So now we sponsor 6 yr old Brenda and 7 yr old Justine (boy). I am thinking we need to spend more time as a family in prayer over these two children. Ashley wanted to show me the prayer she had written. It simply said "I know Brenda. I want to know how she is doing." She may not completely understand but I think she truly cares. I love how she just said "I know Brenda." And I thought wow...this little girl who does not have much and is hurting and a little girl on the other side of the world "knows her and cares about her". God knows me....and now I need to do something. My prayer was a follow up to reading Ashley's.
Lord, thank you for your grace. Thank you for your compassion. Thank you for opening my eyes and I pray that I may always be aware of your children that are suffering. It is a start.

Another reason we wanted to do this was that Brandon and I are getting what I think is a chance of a lifetime....we are going on a Mission Trip to Africa this summer. Two weeks going to Kenya, Uganda (where Justine is from), and Rwanda. We do not know the all details just yet....we will be working with a Missionary who builds up the deaf community all over the world. I am thrilled that God is putting all of this in front of me....let me always be aware...keep my eyes and heart open...let your love flow through me.

No Sympathy from me!

2009-02-23T14:47:00.000-08:00

I was just told I have no sympathy whatsoever...not sympathetic towards a person at all. So I thought about it and I agreed 100%. I was not sympathetic towards them and it definitly showed in my words and the tone of my voice. I looked up sympathy as I usually look up words...I know what it means but when I read the definition I really see where I am wrong.
It said....
feeling compassion
support & loyalty
power of sharing the feelings of another
So I felt none of those to this person in this situation.
And it was my own husband...the person I am to love most on this Earth.
Why can I sympathize with complete strangers yet not towards my husband.
He may have stress fractures...and basically this means he won't be able to run for the next few months. This has NOTHING to do with me but I made it about me...seriously, I did.
I got upset...we are supposed to do a 20K Trail run this weekend...so excited but he can't do it now. And it cost $$ that will not get returned to us. And he already paid for a Marathon in May that he will most likely NOT be able to run. I should be excited because if he doesn't run it he can't beat my time...lol. But nope, upset that we spent $75 that we will not get back. I am upset because I have told him many times I don't think he trains properly and that he needs to listen to his chiropractor who has told him he does not really have the body of a runner. I have totally made it about me and it is not.
So now I am going to go look up the word humble. And remember not only is this NOT ABOUT ME....but most of what I waste my time on is NOT ABOUT ME. None of this should be about me but I make it about me....being human is hard.

Mama Kat's Writers Workshop

2009-02-19T08:32:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted in awhile...lots to say but my head is congested.
I was going to share some confessions with you....BUT I have been reading this blog for awhile now and she gives you a subject/topic to write about once a week. I have never done it but thought I would start doing it. More fun than sharing my confessions with you...lol.

Here is the topic: If I was starring in American Idol TONIGHT and HAD to sing, what song would I chose and why?

Easy! I would soooo be singing "Stay" by Sugarland. Why you ask....because I am a horrible singer, that's why. And I LLLOOOVVVEEE Sugarland and that song. I would probably wear a cute summer dress with some cowboy boots (ps..did I tell you guys I am going to Stagecoach. Oh yeah. The cowboy boots reminded me of that because I am thinking I need to either get some kind of cheap fake cowboy boots or a hat to fit in..lol. I could wear my Jack Purcells but I think boots would go that much better with my new country style that I don't quite have yet.) Back on topic...so I would wear an adorable summer dress and cowboy boots and get my hair trimmed of course with some more blonde highlights. And I would sing "Stay"...and towards the end I would tear up...not only because it is such an emotional song but also because I am so grateful for the opportunity to be able to sing this song in front of America. I would start to cry like Kelli Pickler did at that one awards show when she looked gorgeous. And you would all be sooo touched by my performance that you really wouldn't notice that I can't sing. And you would all tear up too...it would be beautiful.

Honest Scrap

2009-02-11T13:40:00.000-08:00

Hehehe...I was given this "Honest Scrap" blog thingy by someone...thank you Christina. We would totally be friends, in fact we would be trouble maker friends...if we just lived a bit closer to each other. So maybe it is good that we don't live closer...lol.
So now I have to share 7 blogs that I think deserve the "Honest Scrap" blog thingy (I don't like the word award). And then I have to just list 10 Honest things about me.

So here are some blogs that I think you should check out...but I am not sure how to link them. So sorry if it doesn't work. :)
1.http://thehowertons.blogspot.com/ She is funny and real!
2.http://megduerksen.typepad.com/whatever/ She is so cute and seems so put together and then she will throw you a post to show you she is human like the rest of us. Love it.
3.http://wrizzle.blogspot.com/ Funny stuff here and so honest...lol.
4.http://templetonfamilytales.blogspot.com/ This one I am liking more and more and as a person too...I like her more and more as I spend time with her. (And she has seen my room at its worst moment and didn't tell my Mommy on me.) :P
5.http://lifeasagoble.blogspot.com/ Another person I know in real life and love hearing her family stories.
6.http://mamakatslosinit.blogspot.com/ Just another Mom who cracks me up with her "realness".
7.YOUR BLOG GOES HERE...yep, I am sure there are so many more blogs out there that I am missing out on.

Now...10 Honest Things About Me
1.We will start with my room...TRASHED...clothes everywhere. So not really trashed...but clothesed. Everywhere...and Brandon and I say we need to go through them and just donate the ones we don't wear because most of them we don't wear.
2.I count in my head a lot...I am a numbers person but I am HORRIBLE at Math. I used to think something was wrong with me because I count everything. I count and then add and subtract all day. Like I have an ongoing math problem in my head since I was in high school..Seriously. And I am infatuated with the number 4. One of the things I enjoyed about working in a prison...I was always counting the inmates. I would know how many were in my bay, how many were at work, at the bathroom, I knew because I am a counter.
3.I love reality TV...I sometimes pretend that something is "bad TV and won’t watch it because it is horrible" but I probably do watch it and just say that so you won’t judge me.
4.I am one of those "Bad Moms" who gives their children chocolate and soda. But I won't take them to McDonalds.
5.I have always wanted to be a good singer but I am h-o-r-r-i-b-l-e! There are a few songs that I think I might sound ok singing and I sing them loudly in the car...Sugarland's Stay...oh, in my car I am Jennifer Nettles.
6.I have broken several of my combs and brushes because I sometimes throw things when I am angry. But I don't want to break things so I pick up something I won't think will break and throw it...most of the casualties have been combs and brushes.
7. There are a few people in this world that can do NO WRONG. I think Brandon is the only person that knows who those people are but it is funny because those few people, even when they are wrong I totally defend them, and poor Brandon has to hear it.
8.I am a wishy washy happy with my physical self kind of person. Sometimes I HATE my body and other times I thank God for having this fabulous body...lol. Sometimes I see others and dream of having their hair or other body parts (I am not allowed to say boobs anymore on here so I won’t). And sometimes I think my hair and other body parts are just perfect the way they are.
9.I am still searching for what God wants to do with me....I am 32 and don't have any real drive to have a career but know God wants to use me in other ways. And I think I waste a lot of my time searching for things God might want me to do when I just need to be still and listen to him.
10.I love people. Not any old person but my friends and family, the people God has specifically placed in my life. I really, really LOVE the people God has given me. I am so lucky and often don't show my appreciation for the people I have in my life. But I LOVE YOU AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

Just Being Me

2009-02-11T09:08:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna be honest ....I'm tired and cranky. I was doing pretty good in Dec with keeping up with blogging...Jan, slowed down. February...even slower. Not that there isn't anything going on but I'm just tired and worn down. How did this already happen when just a month ago I said "I will prioritize so I have a less stressful, more enjoyable, more patience, remember why I am here kind of year." This is why I don't do resolutions...lol.
I'm reading a few good books right now.....going up to the snow this weekend(but I have a horrible attitude towards it and I am secretly hoping it will get canceled and I can hide in my house while people think I am away on vacation).....getting a passport (hhhmmm, will have more info on that later).....been going wedding dress shopping and talking weddings with one of my favorites....and see, life is good but I am down. I need more prayer, more bible time, more alone time, less worrying, less listening to peoples judgements, less judging...more God.

My favorite part of Sunday....

2009-02-07T08:38:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I forgot to tell you all about my favorite part of Superbowl Sunday.
The Marathon was great BUT....the best part was after wards. We went over to the Titov's and shared a meal....a great meal at that. It was so fun to just sit and eat and chat with our little running community. Brandon and I hope to be like that someday...to have our doors always open to share meals with our friends and family.

Our Hosts

Story behind this picture is that my sister got a new camera and said that one of the cool new features was that it would tell you if somebody blinked while the picture was taken...I figured everyone would have thought "lets test this out" but obviously I am the only one that thought it....had to be there but it was funny.

Event #1- Check

2009-02-04T09:24:00.000-08:00

So for my "2009 To Do List" I wanted to participate in 6 athletic events.
#1 was the Surf City Marathon..and done!
Here is a little recap. Woke up super early as usual for these events. Brandon was already up doing his "I'm so excited" dance. He made me oatmeal with berries and bananas...yummy. Got to Debbee's at 615 and the topic of discussion was, what do you wear when you will be running from 7-1130 approx. I decided on short sleeves and shorts...thank goodness because it warmed up quickly and we had PERFECT running weather.
Got there just in time to start in the first wave (no need to warm up when you are running 26.2 miles). Decided to NOT run with my running partner since she is faster and if I start out too fast take a chance and not being able to finish. Smart decision. However I still started out too fast....got behind the 3:50 pacer (remember I want to beat 4:18..Mr Sean Puffy P Diddy Combs's time). The funny thing was that the 3:50 pacer and the 4:10 pacer were approximately 10 feet from each other still at mile 2....not a good sign so I decided I would just run my own race and forget about following a pacer. I would look down at my watch every mile and oops...8:35..too fast...8:34..too fast again...8:40..still too fast. In between my tearing up spurts (I am the biggest crybaby ever) I kept telling myself to slow down. However I made it to mile 16 still under a 9 min pace and than...IT HIT. Mile 16-20 was tough...because I had obviously started out too fast but I still felt pretty good for doing 20 miles. At Mile 20 I decided to walk when I hit the mile marker and walk for 2 min and than run to the next mile marker and it worked. I was almost at Mile 24 and saw a cheering section...I got this huge rush of adrenaline and "thought" it was a second wind...I was very wrong...lol...but it was a nice few seconds. Brandon jumped in with me to finish the last 2 miles and it hurt. My right hip and knee were sore and I slowed down A LOT but I was still within my time frame of getting my time. We saw the finish line and I knew I could do it...I came in alone so I got to hear my name called out...."WE SEE YOU SARAH BRUCE"..and some cheering went on. I was so excited so I thought I would throw my arms up in the air, what a great victory picture that would make but I couldn't quite get them in the air...I sure hope that picture turns out. Me trying to get my arms in the air with a painful expression. My time was 4:14:04 so I made it!!!! And it's a good thing because I checked what's his names time and it was really 4:14:54...that was close. So I finished and said it would be my last ever because I accomlished my goal....however, isn't there always a BUT. My running partner and her crazy self came in at 3:37...AMAZING, NUTS, WOW, BOSTON QUALIFIER! So we were all super stoked for her and her super impresive time and we are already planning our trip to Boston in April 2010. And than I thought about it and if I train (I have a problem with running during the week...I forget to train) so if I actually train for this I could probably break 4 hrs....and at the age of 35 the Boston qualifier drops to 3:45....if I really train by than maybe I could qualify for Boston too. So it was a great experience....everyone we ran with accomplished their goal. Brandon beat my half marathon time so now I have to go back out there in May and run the OC Half to take my win back...lol. Can you say competitive much? :) Here are some pictures....me at Mile 24 and one of when Brandon and I connected up for the last 2 miles.

So I just checked my blog to make sure I didn't have any spelling errors...lol...and I got teary eyed just looking at the pictures. Yes, I live there. I get to run on the bike path next to the beach whenever I want too. How much can God bless one person...wow!

Therapy

2009-01-27T19:13:00.000-08:00

So I had a tough day at work on Mon...I feel like I say that a lot.
I like my job...I APPRECIATE my job...I enjoy the people I work with...I am blessed to get paid...I am constantly learning new things...BUT I also have to deal with people outside my company who drive me bonkers and make me crazy. Monday I had to deal with a handful of them due to our wonderful economy and the state of CA. I don't show my anger...I try to keep my negative thoughts in my head and be the "all around happy" person....but on Monday I heard "If Sarah is mad you know something is wrong" and when I left "Don't kick the cat"..(they don't know I am NOT a cat person). So what was my therapy....God Talk and Guitar Hero. I am reading Jesus Wants to Save Christians along with some lovely girlies and we talked about it and chatted about what our love for God looks like, what it should look like...and than straight to Guitar Hero.
Thought I would share some pictures. I am not a Rock Star...I can not sing...in fact I am HORRIBLE...my Mom did not let me sing at home because I stunk that bad. I have no musical ability at all but have always dreamt about it. And you may notice my picture where I was told to "give me a rock star look"..and I stick my tongue out and give the "love hands" out...my oh my, my Mother must be proud.

So you see Amber laughing AT ME...yeah, make fun of the kid who had no musical ability and beats the drums like a mad women, but it was fun and I even sang. Or hummed...or made noise...yep. Confidence like crazy..NO SLEEP TIL BROOKLYN, Beastie Boys aint got nothing on Sarah B!

My Day

2009-01-25T07:15:00.000-08:00

Saturday was a busy...leave at 830 kind of day and go here, there, here, there, and make it home in time to make brownies for a birthday girl and her family.

Basketball and Pictures
Ethan played well but his team lost...again. And why do they have pictures after they are all sweaty from their game.

Star Wars Party....and yes, that is Ashley dressed up in something super cozy...lol.

Mimi's Cafe and Cerritos Performing Arts Center to see Chicago. Lunch was great and the performance was even better. I went with some wonderful ladies however this is what I get for asking an 80 yr old half blind man who threatened to steal my "really nice" camera after he took the picture.

And I didn't get a picture of the end of the night but it is my friend Kelly's birthday so we had them over for some Guitar Hero and brownies with ice cream and berries. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KELLY MO!
And of course we ended the evening with some cranky kids who wanted to have a sleep over that did not get approved by any parents first and crying children is always a fun way to end the day, isn't it?