let me tell you a secret

Guilt.
Ugh, we all feel it. Some of us more than others. Some of us have a long list of things that we feel guilty about. I am one of those people. I am working on the whole "if God, who is much bigger than me can forgive me than I need to forgive myself."
There is something on my "guilt" list that I don't talk about much...ok, ever.
I read this on a friend's Facebook status.
"......US DISCIPLINARY BKS FORT LEAVENWORTH, KS 66027 You are released from active duty and, on the date following, placed on the retired list. The people of .the United· express their thanks and gratitude for your faithful service. Your contributions to the defense of the United States of America are greatly appreciated. On date placed on the retired l.ist, you are transferred to the U. S. Army Reserve Control Group (Retired), U. S. Army Human Resources Command, Fort Knox, KY."
I read that and cried....I was happy for him and his retirement coming up, I was sad for him because this has been his life and there will be big change. I cried because I felt guilty. I served my 3 years and it was good...and than I felt that I was needed for other things, like being a wife and mom. I don't think I would have been a good wife or mom if I stayed in the Army. However I got out in 1998 and I still felt that I was part of the Army since I was married into it...I gave to my country by supporting my husband while he was busy serving. Families sacrifice so much when their spouses are in the military. I was only a small part of the military for 6 years. After Sep 11th I started to feel guilty....I am an able body who should be serving. I was going through a divorce so not only did I feel guilty about not being in the military at a time of need but I was being pulled out of the military community...and I MISSED it. Who knew I would miss it so much. It has been over 10 years and there have been moments when I wish I would have stayed in. I hear of people who have died and I feel like it is just something else I "gave up" on. I don't like to fail but something deep inside me says I failed when I left the Army. I didn't though...I know I served my time. It is that deep dark and evil thing called guilt. It came up again when I read about his retirement. I just PRAYED, that is all I can do.